Tidal Moon (Renesmee & Jacob)

Chapter 30: A Shushed Goodbye

 I sat helplessly on the couch watching my family pack the belongings that they would need to go searching for Jacob and the pack. Alice had a vision of where River was, but I knew she was wrong. She assumed it was somewhere in the mountains a couple of hours from here, but I knew better.

 My mind flashed back to when I was younger. Mom and dad would let me explore the woods alone, and much like a child this became like church for me, my own spiritual ritual. I would tangle myself in moss, leaves, and bramble as I tried to discover new worlds that only I knew about.
Finally one day, I did. 

 Underneath a thick slab of stone that nestled itself into the earth, there was an old basement fully overrun with ivy and expensive things that hadn't been touched in many years. It was a hiding spot during the prohibition. I figured that out when I was older and could decipher what the thick ceramic jugs with a sour scent were. People used to make and sell alcohol here back when it was illegal. Over the years it became one of my favorite places. No one knew about it, not even Jacob. It was my heaven on earth. I would go once every few months to read in the stuffy dim light of the basement and just relax.

 The question is, how did River find it? He must have known that it was the one place no one else knew about. Maybe I'm not the only one who can dig into someone's thoughts. Maybe somehow he had sifted through my memories until he found one that held value and could help him execute his sick and sadistic plan.

 A voice in my head drifted through my mind, created by my darkest and most painful thoughts.
What if you lose them all?

I gulped hard and tried to push the dread that was rising up my throat down, but it kept rising. Alice looked over at me and raised her eyebrow. She could tell something was wrong, but thankfully she probably just attributed it to me being pregnant and worried about Jacob.

"We will find Jake, we are going to end this once and for all, I promise."  Dad said, dropping to sit next to me on the couch. He pulled me into him and hugged me, and I couldn't help but hug him back as tight as I could. Somewhere in my weak bones, I knew this would be the last time I saw him. It would be the last time I saw any of them. My decision was made even before I had realized it. My love for the child within me was strong, but I wouldn't have my family die for me. If I am to be destroyed to protect the ones I love, then I will learn to find peace with it. Changing my mind was now a non-existent notion, my plan was made.

"I love you guys, please be safe." I managed to croak out. They were busy arguing over strategies and attack plans, I was happy this would be my last memory of them. Strong and unified. My whole life I had been making messes, tonight will be the last mess I ever make.

"Of course we will be safe. You just stay here, stay close to Rosalie, and keep that baby safe." Mom said kissing my forehead and patting my stomach. I smiled weakly and nodded. They once again took my silence for worry regarding Jacob. This was all working out well. I glanced at Rosalie trying to figure out how I would sneak away from her. She had offered to stay here and take care of me when everyone decided to go after the pack. I wasn't surprised, I expected one of them to stay back. I had my ways of sneaking out and disappearing, god knows I did it enough when I was younger.

"We have to go." Esme whispered, looking at everyone in the room with her thoughtful and mothering gaze. Carlisle wrapped his arm around her and smoothed her hair with the palm of his hand.

"We will be okay." I said in the strongest voice I could muster. Everyone offered me a warm and sympathetic smile before mummering their goodbyes and leaving out the front door. The door clicked closed and silence cloaked the room for the first time in hours. Everything seemed to stand still as my decision solidified itself in the air around us.