hey little girl // dnf // tw

-Chapter 2-

i'm all choked up, cannot talk

-georges pov-

it was my boyfriend, James. i love him, but i'm a little confused about things recently.

"GEORGE! come here now." i hope i'm not in trouble.

"yes l-love", i quivered as i entered the kitchen. he looked up at me, and you could tell he was angry. "who were you talking to?"

i gulped. "clay, as u-usual."

he glared at me. "what's the matter?" i asked. "you know clay."

he grabbed my shoulder roughly, and it hurt. "that's the problem. it's always him"

"are you jealous?", i questioned as i tried to pry his fingers off of me. he tighted his grip. "b-babe you can hear us, you know i have nothing with him."

his eyes were dark and cold. "bab-" as i began that sentence, he suddenly grunted as he threw my shoulder, causing me to fall. i scrambled backwards toward the wall, trying as much as i could to get away, although my hands hurt. "p-please" i pleaded. "don't you ever talk to me like that. am i jealous? jealous of what? you said there's nothing going on with you two, should i be jealous of something? you said there's nothing. he IS nothing. so why are you on call with him for 4 hours everyday?", he was livid.

"bec-cause we are recording for my channel... that's it, as soon as we were done he left."

he stared at me, his eyes still frozen. he then sharply exhaled, and went into the bathroom. i sat there shaking. i stumbled over to our room, closed the door, and began to sob. he said he would stop. it didn't hurt that bad i guess, but he said he would stop. i sat down on our bed, hunched over and facing the wall.

why can't i have friends? he always gets mad at me for simply talking to other people. i'm not allowed my phone at night, i'm not allowed to eat until he says, i'm not even allowed to wear anything besides sweatshirts. i felt the room closing in on me, my palms were sweaty, and i was beginning to panic.

h-... he controls everything. this is wrong. i should break up-

my thoughts stopped as i heard things clattering outside. is he going out? is he throwing things? i hope he doesnt come here. i was frighted as i was unable to tell if i was safe now.

i fell to my side, laying down on the bed, staring at the wall. i began to calm down, and eventually drifted off into sleep.

....

i was awoken about a half hour later by a knocking at my bedroom door. i couldn't bring myself to reply, but i saw the door begin to open, and braced myself.

there james was. he was holding a bowl. "hey babe. i made dinner."

i watched him as he made his way to the side of the bed, placing the bowl on the nightstand. i peered into it, seeing that it was ramen. i didn't know what to say. i began to look up at him, i flinched as he went in to hug me. before he could, he saw that.

"what's wrong George?", he looked genuinely confused, as if he hadn't hurt me earlier. all i could do was stare at him. "G-george? please?"

i opened my mouth to talk, hesitated, then said "nothing. thank you."

he smiled. "anytime", he said as he kissed my forehead and left, closing the door behind him.

i sighed. maybe i'm being too extreme? i mean, he feeds me everyday, and provides for me since i got fired like 6 months ago. maybe it's okay for him to have boundaries for me.

i stared at my bowl. i didn't want to eat. i don't eat much.

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i remember when James and i first got together, about 2 years ago. after our 3rd or 4th date, he led me into this room and undressed me. i wasn't sure if i wanted to, but it meant he loved me. when he was done, i felt disgusting.

as i was getting dressed again, he looked at my stomach. it wasn't very big, but i could tell he was judging me.

on our next date, he pointed out how much i had eaten.

i really liked him then, so in an attempt to make him love me, i started eating less and working out.

he noticed. he praised me. i felt loved.

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fast forward to now, i have started to eat less and less in fear of him noticing a weight gain. in fear of ME, noticing a weight gain. i don't work out much anymore, since it's harder for me now. and it hurts.

i snapped out of my thoughts and decided to just eat today. i grabbed the bowl and sat on the bed against the headboard, scrolling through twitter as i ate. i came across a fanart. it was really good, but it was of me and dream, him holding my face.

they are so talented. it almost feels real, seeing me there. you can tell i loved it in the picture. i think i would love it if he grabbed me fa- wait... what? no i meant james. if james had grabbed my face like that...

i paused.

actually, if james grabbed my face i might be scared. does he really care? is he good for me? sometimes i get upset at him but then he's so nice to me. i'm being ungrateful.

-word count: 931-