Chapter 6: Shame

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Jungkook

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Jungkook

My lips form a thin line as I look around the park by the dining hall. Jimin usually comes here to play with and give treats to the stray cats that visit the area. But he is nowhere to be found. Pouting, I pull my legs into my chest and bury my head between them.

Lately, it's been feeling like Jimin has been avoiding me. I mean, I was avoiding him too. But I was embarrassed. Within just a few days, I went to a party, had a one night stand, and then had video call sex like I'm not some kind of sexual newbie. Why all of a sudden, I'm so needy and ready to bed over is beyond me, but Jimin is notorious for making me question any and everything about my existence.

I can't get what happened out of my head. Lately, my life has felt like the plot of fiction rather than reality. The man I've loved and lusted over for years practically claiming me so suddenly? It doesn't feel real.

A cat hops up on the bench and rubs against me until I give in and pet it. The cat is a calico and cute. For some reason, she reminds me of Jimin.

Dejected, I pick the feline up and cuddle it despite not knowing where it's been. Why hasn't Jimin contacted me? Is he avoiding me?

Is he done with me? Was I some boy toy, some perverted plaything for him to use a couple times and throw away like it was nothing? Was I not special? Was there nothing more than physical attraction between us?

Is there someone else?

Tears stream down my face and I pull my hood further over my face so no one can see me cry. I'm such an embarrassment, such an idiot. Who was I to think someone like Park Jimin wanted me?

The cat leaves me just like Jimin and I stare at my shaking hands, feeling used, tainted, and dirty. I've been contaminated. Jimin left his stain on my being and no amount of scrubbing will ever get it off.

Jimin's mark runs much further than skin deep.

An emotionless zombie, I get up and drag myself to my car, slumping against it for a good four minutes before fixing myself to open the door. My body collapses into the seat and I sling my arms over my steering wheel, resting my head against the cold material until my forehead accidentally activates the horn, startling me.

"Fuck, I really am a mess?" I groan, pulling my hair. "How can one man do this to me? Am I that fragile? Why did I give him so much power?"

A tear lands on my thigh.

Why would I do it all again?

I finally start my car and set off for my apartment. The vehicle still smells of Jimin's perfume despite how long it's been and the scent drives me deeper into my hole of depression.

Once I get home, I slouch over my desk and flick through my sketchbook, numbly admiring the blond the only way I can. I now regret not taking pictures like he suggested. Silly me really thought that I should savor my first time like there'd be more, like he'd actually stick around. Naïveté is what it was.

My doorbell rings and I force myself to stand and put my slippers on. I hobble to the front door and open it, expecting to see Yoongi and/or Taehyung, but shocked to see a different familiar face instead.

"J-Jimin?" I choke out, my eyes tearing up as my vision blurs. Why is he here? Why is he holding multiple shopping bags?

I grip the door and start to close it just for him to stop it with his foot.

"Jungkook, I can explain—"

Author's Note: Am I evil for not only writing a short chapter, but also leaving it on a cliff hanger? Of course not.

What are your thoughts on the chapter?

Make sure to take care and love yourself as best as you can.

With lots of love,

-BBM

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