Indifference (boyxboy)

36. A Tough Week

Ryan

Can I come round?

Eddie: Yep

Is anyone else in?

Eddie: No dads at work and mums at Sharon's why?

I'll tell you when I get there. See you in 10.

I jogged over to Eddie's, hoping that the exercise would relieve some of my jitteriness. Was that even a word? But that was the best way to describe me - jittery.

Eddie's caravan was on the edge of the trailer park, so I slipped in unnoticed. I walked straight in, not bothering to knock, as was tradition.

"Hey, what's up?" Eddie said, grabbing the remote to pause whatever it was he was watching on the TV.

I sat down opposite him and took a deep breath.

"I need your help with something," I said.

"Ooo, sounds serious. Is this the final test of friendship? Are you actually going to ask me to help you hide a dead body?"

I gave him my best unimpressed look.

"No, I need you to help me figure something out."

"Ok," he replied, "but you're going to have to give me more than that if you need my help."

I sighed, and leant back looking up at the ceiling. This was kind of embarrassing. But if there was anyone that could help me, it was Eddie.

"How did you know that you were gay?" I asked, still staring at the ceiling.

I heard Eddie sit up.

"Why, do you think you might be gay?"

"I didn't say that," I replied.

"No, but the question implied it," he said back.

I stayed silent.

Eddie sighed. "Ok, so I was about 13 when I realised. Up until then, I'd never really understood what sexual attraction was. My mum was watching Magic Mike, and I sat down and started watching it too. And well, I kind of got a boner. And a proper raging, won't go away one too. I ended up beating one out, picturing Channing Tatum dancing half naked. It was kind of hard to deny after that."

I let out a snort of laughter.

"So come on," he said, "I've told you my embarrassing story, so what's all this about?"

I rolled my head to the side to look at Eddie.

"I think you know what it's about," I replied.

"Elijah?"

I went back to staring at the ceiling.

"Got it in one."

"I guess the question is then, do you want to be his friend, or do you want to bang him?"

I groaned. "Bang him? Really?"

"I'm sorry," he said in a mocking tone, "make loooove to him."

I couldn't help but snigger at that. But then I thought about his question for a moment.

"I really don't know, but the idea doesn't disgust me."

"Hmmm," Eddie said, and I could tell he wasn't happy with my answer. "Skydiving, shopping, talking to your mum - none of those things disgust me. Doesn't mean I want to do any of them though."