Indifference (boyxboy)

37. True Colours

A/N - If you can view the Youtube link above, I'd recommend you watch that before the song appears in this chapter. This is the song that Ryan and Alicia ended up choosing and if you've watched it, it will help you picture what I'm describing in this chapter.

I happened upon this video, and it just sparked something in my mind, and I literally wrote the basic plot of this story in one go, just listening to this track on repeat while I washed the pots!!!

Elijah

It was the day of the concert and I felt uncharacteristically nervous.

I was never nervous when I played my violin. It was one of the few things that always made me feel calm.

I think I was partly nervous because I was yet to hear anything about the last song, and what Alicia and Ryan were singing. If it was a love song, there was a distinct possibility that I might throw up. Or cry.

After Ryan had accused me of ignoring him, I'd tried to make more of an effort to be in his company, but only around other people.

I felt kind of guilty that I had all these feelings for him and he didn't know. Surely if he knew, he would stay away from me in case I ruined anything between him and Alicia. Because everytime we spent any time alone together, all my resolve would disappear out of the window, and I would get lost in his smiles and touches, and start to believe there was a world where he might want me the way I wanted him.

But of course that was never going to happen. And so I spent my evenings alone, feeling sad and lost and alone.

Alicia's mum drove us to school that evening. She never missed one of Alicia's concerts. Her dad rarely made it. I felt someone squeeze my leg and I turned and smiled at my mum. I was so glad she was with me today. She loved watching me play but sometimes she wasn't well enough to leave the house, so I was incredibly grateful that she was well enough right now. I think I needed her more tonight than ever before.

We pulled up outside school and then Alicia and I said goodbye to our parents as we headed to the Music room where we were meeting. It was far enough away from the main hall so we could warm up and practice without the audience hearing.

I saw Ryan the moment I stepped in the room. It was like I'd developed this radar that could detect him instantly if he was in sight.

He turned and smiled, waving us over.

I looked away as he greeted Alicia with a hug.

I can't say that I'd seen them be overly coupley since I'd caught them making doe eyes at each other, but then I'd also tried to avoid looking at them whenever they were together, so maybe I just missed it.

"Can I get a hug from you too?" Ryan asked, and I snapped my head up to see him looking at me.

"Urm, not right now," I said, nervously playing with the sleeve of my blazer.

"I've got you buddy!" came a voice to the left, and suddenly Neil was picking Ryan up and swinging him round.

It wasn't that I didn't want to hug Ryan. I did, I really did. But I was so wired right now that I was worried that if I did hug him, I might not be able to let go.

Ryan laughed as Neil swung him round until Mr Jackson shouted,

"Oy, put him down!"

Both boys apologised while grinning mischievously.

I pulled out my violin and started to play some scales just to warm my fingers up.

I could feel Ryan's eyes on me the whole time, but I did my best to shut him out. It was harder than it should have been.