Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 14

Chapter 14: XIV

Summary:

Apparently long weekends are just what I needed. Two chapters in 3 days. Woo.

This is a high drama chapter. Louis hits cloud nine and rock bottom.

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Louis was still laying in Harry's bed. He definitely could have gone home the previous night, he'd only had two glasses of wine and he'd driven countless times under far worse circumstances, but Harry had insisted. They had some kind of weird harmony now when it came to sleeping arrangements. When they'd been at Louis' house, it had seemed strange that with dozens of beds that Harry kept choosing to lay in Louis', but at Harry's it made sense. There wasn't a whole lot of sleeping options, especially when Zayn had taken the couch.

Now, though, it was half nine and Harry had been awake for hours. He had been poking at Louis and giggling lightly as he scrolled through his Facebook and kept shoving his phone in Louis' face as he passed memes or cheesy jokes.

"I don't want to work today," moaned Harry, "I just want to stay in bed all day,"

Louis smiled down at Harry, who was laying sideways on the bed with his head resting on Louis' chest, "you'll survive," he teased.

"Your support is so helpful, thank-you," said Harry, dryly.

They were quiet for a moment before Harry changed the subject entirely.

"What did Matt say to you last night?" Harry had probably been holding back this question for ages, "you seemed upset," he tacked on for good measure.

"Said I was never there for him anymore," Louis answered quickly, because maybe a small part of him wanted to be reassured that he hadn't made the wrong decision not dropping everything to drive out to London.

"That's not really true, though," said Harry, "it seems like you're always there for him. You offered to get him a train ticket,"

Louis sighed, "he's right, though. It's not the same as it was...before,"

"Before, what?" asked Harry, not really knowing what he was asking of Louis.

Louis wasn't ready to answer that question. He wasn't ready to say before I tried to kill myself. Because, that really was what had changed things, wasn't it? It was Terri who had first stood back, looked at him and told him they were dysfunctional. Told Louis he deserved something more than being hate-fucked in dirty hotel rooms. That he deserved someone who cared for him. And it was Lottie, too, who against all odds and everything their family thought about him had been wounded by his suicide attempt. She had fought to have him in her life. She had fought to make him believe that she cared, and to keep her safe, he'd staved off his time with Matt.

Everyone who was good in his life seemed keen on him pushing Matt back...but it still felt wrong to him. It still felt like he was destroying another person just to make himself better. Was that really worth it? Louis still didn't see that he had much value in the grande scheme of things, so he couldn't really justify destroying Matt to have some sort of happiness. Happiness was all tainted anyway. It was all laced with contingencies and it could be taken away at any moment, and then he wouldn't even have Matt. He wouldn't have anything when the people who were trying to fight for him caught wind of what he was really worth.

"I just...before," said Louis and it didn't really answer the question. "Everything is different and I feel like I had to sacrifice him for that. It doesn't feel fair,"

"Oh Louis," said Harry, rolling his head so he was looking up at Louis now, "nothing he does was your choice," Harry's words were very serious, "you didn't sacrifice him to be happy, Louis. He could have done that with you if he cared enough,"