Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 23

Chapter 23: XXIII

Summary:

Hey everyone! Here's a chapter that is wildly outside of the norm, I think you'll all be surprised at the direction it takes.

Mild trigger warning here for the fact that Louis faces a lot of his past sexual demons in this chapter. There's not much mention of it, but someone still might find it triggering, so I didn't want to not put a warning!

I listened to Niall while writing this. Nothing else.

If there is another album that exists on this earth, I wouldn't know because, FLICKER.

Niall is my reason for living right now.

Anyway, comments are welcomed and I love you all <3
Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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"Shit."

Louis looked up at Zayn, still mostly lost in his spiralling thoughts. Zayn's voice had just barely broken through to Louis. He was lost. And it was alarming because just that morning, before everything had gone to such utter shit, he'd been so certain that he had finally not been lost. His life seemed to explode all around him on the daily without any sort of rhyme or reason to it. He wasn't quite certain what his next step was supposed to be, he'd already messed up so badly. He'd already kissed Harry and changed everything. The last thing on earth he wanted was for he and Harry to become whatever it was that Zayn and Liam were.

"Shit, shit, shit," chanted Zayn, reaching out to detach Louis' hand from his fringe. He hadn't even realized he'd been tugging on his own hair in some sort of hopeless effort to ground himself, "don't listen to me. I'm a fucking idiot."

Zayn's request came a few minutes too late. Louis had already heard his words loud and clear.

Friendship lasted. Relationships exploded.

It was so fucking obvious and it was stupid that Louis had to hear it from Zayn's lips for it to sink in. He and Harry already had such a good thing going. They didn't need to change that, but Louis had been an idiot.

He was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. His head was always in a different realm than reality.

How long until Harry realized they'd fucked up? Would Harry even realize? Or would it just be a gradual and slow demise that he didn't notice until Louis finally broke?

Fuck.

"Listen, Louis," Zayn's voice made his head shoot up. Louis met Zayn's brown eyes then and he wanted to melt into the floor. There was pity and regret in Zayn's expression, "I don't know what I'm talking about, okay? It's not the same."

Louis shook his head, wanting to look in any other direction because staring into the void of pity and regret was too much. Zayn wasn't wrong. Pressure broke people and there was nothing that put more pressure on things than a relationship. His mum and Dan had been happy once. He remembered it, but the pressures of life had broken them. He couldn't risk that with Harry.

"Listen, you and Harry aren't me and Liam. It's not the same thing. You're braver than I am,"

Louis made some kind of strangled laugh in the back of his throat, his arms wrapping around his torso in an attempt to hold himself together. It was the exact same thing, couldn't Zayn see that in all of his infinite wisdom? He and Harry were making the exact same mistake and the only difference was that Zayn had perspective. He saw it in time to save himself from the fallout. He was going to stop it before it all came to a head and Louis only wished he could have the same good sense.