Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 18

Chapter 18: XVII

Summary:

Just got back from yet another trip to Toronto. I literally feel like I haven't been at home at all for the past month. I got to see my bestie, though, and we planned a lot of things for this story, so get ready for lots more!!

I am in a mad writing frenzy right now. I imagine the next chapter should come along within the week.

I listened to The Grace by The Neverending White Lights a lot while writing this and it is a very "Louis" kind of song, so 10/10 you should listen.
Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

———————————————————————————
Louis pressed the home button on his phone for the millionth time since he'd settled into the bed. Time was moving impossibly slow and he couldn't be sure why. It was still only 4:48. The last time he'd checked it, it had been 4:48. Maybe time had stopped. Maybe he was stuck in some strange time warp with Matt and his life wasn't going to move on. He'd be stuck in this night forever, and of all the nights he'd had with Matt, maybe this wasn't the worst one to be stuck in. Things weren't messy. He hadn't even noticed Matt shoot up. He was probably far from sober, Louis wasn't dumb enough to expect anything less, but he had been kind. It wasn't like the typical nights they spent together.

But still, something inside of Louis felt wrong. He hadn't said anything to Matt that night. He'd just let things play out. The words were fresh in his mind, but he didn't want to think about them. About what they meant. Harry. Matt. When did this become a part of his life? When did people start asking him for more? He could remember Matt's words to Harry that day in Starbucks "You can't fix someone like Louis, you know. He doesn't get it. He'll never get it."

Maybe Matt was right. Maybe Louis would never get it. They were both doing it though, both asking him for things he didn't know how to give. This time was different, though. He knew what the answer was when it came to Matt. He knew what to expect of Matt and what to expect of himself. He didn't want the things Matt had mentioned. He knew that wouldn't work. That they couldn't just forget about their lives and run away to London and start over. This whole thing between them wasn't based on trust. It wasn't based on anything that Matt had mentioned and Louis knew that. The moment Louis didn't have access to his family's money was the moment things would go sour. He existed to support Matt's habit, and Matt existed to help Louis forget.

He'd do well to remember that things between them were nothing more and nothing less.

He pressed the home button again. 4:49.

He unlocked the screen and pulled up his conversation with Zayn.

Louis: Honestly, I don't know what to say to Harry and I'd really prefer if you didn't fill me in. I haven't figured anything out.

Three dots appeared under Louis' words almost instantly. Of course Zayn was awake. Bless him.

Zayn: Is there really anything to figure out? Where are you anyway? Want to come to mine? We could enjoy insomnia together.

Louis: I'm with a friend...

Zayn: Most popular mole child in town, I reckon.

Louis smiled down at his phone. Zayn had a way of making him feel closer to normal than he usually felt. He wished he was spending the night curled up on Zayn's couch and not trying to stay quiet next to Matt.

Just thinking that probably gave him all the answers he needed.

But Matt had been so good. He couldn't reward that sort of thing by just sneaking out on him, could he? He didn't know what was going on inside of his head at all.