Kitten 💜 (KilluaxReader)

Blurred Memories

(Y/n's POV)

I

have

no

idea

what

is

going

on

anymore.

I can recall staying at Whale Island for a month. Then we went to York New to get a game. Then we dealt with Gon and Killua getting kidnapped by the Phantom Troupe. Then we ended up going into a game? Greed Island, I think. Killua ended up getting his hunter's license during that time. We ended up beating the game too?

And now... we're in a strange place filled with bugs. I hate bugs. I don't know what's happening. I hate it.

Killua and I haven't talked alone in what feels like... forever. I've gotten strangely protective of both of them. I know for a fact that I love Killua now, but since our stay at Whale Island, he's only grown closer to Gon and further away from me. I don't even know how I feel anymore. I just want it to stop. I've wanted it to stop for a while now.

I don't even know who I am or why I'm here.

Why?

Why has everything gone blurry?

I feel useless. The only thing I'm here for is healing and comedy relief. It's been two. Years. Since we first met. And nothing. And I mean nothing. Has gotten better. At this point I would prefer having married Eli. At least my memories of the Hunter Exam would be happy. I wouldn't be in constant pain because I stayed with them.

This was a mistake. I should have given up and gone home.

My pillars of support are cracked and falling apart.

The so called 'pillars' are currently talking with a tall man who saved us from the bugs. I can appreciate the stranger for that.

"Y/n..? Are you okay? You're spacing out again..." Gon spoke up. I looked up at him, my eyes dull, like they have been for a while now.

"Yes." I lied. "Where are we?" Killua scoffed and rolled his eyes. I turned to him, feeling the annoyance in the way he held himself. I hate that I love him when he's grown to disrespect me like this.

I want to leave.

"I don't know either, but apparently Gon knows this guy from a long time ago."

I want to leave.

"Oh."

Let me leave. Let me forget. Let me stop loving an idiot like you. I hate you.

"What, are you too absorbed by your own self importance to care about what's happening anymore?" He asked.

Stop hurting me. I hate you.

"If you don't want to be here, just leave." His words pierced my heart.

"Killua- don't say that! She's just been out of it recently... don't be so mean." Gon said, making Killua stop for a moment.

"Well if she doesn't want to be here, you shouldn't force her to stay. It's not like she's even talked to us in... I don't know how long. Maybe since we visited Aunt Mito. She's just been useless and empty."

Useless. Empty. He's right. I am a useless, empty human being. I don't need to be here. They don't want me. I don't want to be here.

I mindlessly got up and walked away, before turning to look at Killua again. "I miss when we were twelve, when I could love you two without forgetting myself. But my mind's too blurry. If you ever want to try to talk again... call me." I turned away, then turned into a bird and flew away.

.

.

.

.

.

(Killua's POV)

She... left...

She left...

She left.

I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. What did she say? She... loved us? She was actually leaving? But- I didn't mean it...

Gon looked shocked. "Killua..." I turned to him. "She... she really..." He frowned and looked down. "I knew I should have asked her if she was okay... but I never did... I feel stupid. She looked so sad all the time..."

She... did? Now that I think about it, she did look sad. Especially whenever Gon and I started leaving her by herself more and more.

Is this real? Did we really push her away that much? I remember when I needed to help her before, when I needed to protect her. That had faded away into the need to help Gon a long time ago.

I did this.

I did this.

I messed up.

I left her alone.

I broke her.

I made her leave.

I did this.

What have I done?

What did I do?

When did I forget how good she was?

When did I forget how much she meant to both of us?

When did Gon become my only priority?

When did she become just white noise in the background?

When did my Kitten start to die?

When did the feelings I had for her disappear?

When did I forget her?

(Gon's POV)

Dammit... after everything, I was so focused on trying to find my dad I forgot about my own friend. I wasn't the only one, though. Both Killua and I became so hyper-focused that we forgot about her importance. And now, she's gone.

This is our fault.

This is my fault.

End of Chapter.

Hi...
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Because of my plans for this story (yes, it is not over) I had to make them forget. But don't worry, everything will start getting better. Y/n just has to be something to herself before she can be something for them. If we are being honest, this isn't exactly unexpected. If someone were to be with them, they would get so focused on their goals that the other person would be almost forgotten.

The next chapter will start a few years later, after all of the events that happened in the Chimera Ant arc.

Please don't hate me for making it go here.

I really am sorry.

-Sil