If I Knew Then

Chapter 39: Crying

"Hey, AJ. Is Nick here? I just thought maybe he came home last night. He turned off his phone." Brian asked the next morning when he went to AJ's apartment to look for Nick. He didn't sleep a single wink the night before after their fight in the studio because all he thought of was how much he hurt Nick. Leighanne had told him not to worry about Nick and that he was a grown man that could take care of himself, but Brian felt completely responsible.

"No, when I came home all of his stuff was gone. I tried texting him but he never answered me back. Nobody has heard from him. I hope he's okay, he was so upset." AJ said. Brian looked at his feet, the situation was becoming more and more distressing.

"Yeah, I tried Howie too. I was hoping he would have at least come back here. Thanks anyway."

AJ closed the door and Brian went back to his car, sitting in the parking lot of the apartment building and thinking. Where could Nick have gone? Was he even still in LA? What if they never spoke again?

All of these questions came and went as Brian aimlessly drove around for most of the morning, looking for Nick in places where he thought he might be but he didn't have any luck. He finally went back to Leighanne's apartment feeling defeated.

"Did you find him?" Leighanne asked when he walked in the door sighing around lunchtime. She made him something to eat and they sat down at the kitchen table.

"No. Nobody's seen him, Leigh. He turned off his phone and won't talk to anyone. I'm so worried about him. What if he's hurt or something? It's all my fault." Brian said, looking at the sandwich on his plate. He couldn't eat because he was so worried about Nick that food seemed like the last thing on his mind right now.

"I'm sure he's fine. I don't know why you are so worried. He's not a kid anymore. I know his parents left you in charge of him before because they didn't want to take care of him, but he's not your responsibility anymore. He's 18."

"It wasn't that his parents didn't want to take care of him. We were overseas a lot. His parents have other kids too. They couldn't be in two places at once." Brian argued, slightly annoyed that his girlfriend was taking the moment to insult Nick yet again.

"Baby, this is serious. He's missing. I thought you and him were friends? I'm really worried about him. This isn't like him to just disappear like this. I was really mean to him yesterday. I said some things that I really shouldn't have. I feel awful."

Leighanne stopped eating and set her sandwich down, licking at the corners of her mouth.

"I'm sorry for sounding harsh, but its just that Nick isn't a child anymore. I'm sure he'll turn up. You have your surgery in a few days, shouldn't you be thinking about that?"

Brian frowned, and the anxiety he had about the surgery bubbled up again. He was trying to take his mind off of his impending surgery, but his concern for Nick outweighed everything else. He knew this was even more confirmation of how much he actually loved Nick and it made him even more confused than he had been about his feelings for him. He thought about all the times they'd been together, nights when they laid together in bed and nothing else mattered in the world. Nights when he would lay awake after Nick had long fallen asleep, listening to him against his chest. Brian had never felt like this about anyone before. It made sense why he was so mad about Nick hanging out with Lance, and that was when Brian realized he loved Nick. He realized that Nick was right, and he had been very wrong. He wanted to talk to Nick so badly about all of this but Nick was nowhere to be found.

"You really should eat something." Leighanne said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked at his phone but there were no messages. He decided to text Nick again anyway and went back to his lunch just to please his girlfriend, even though he didn't feel hungry.