If I Knew Then

Chapter 22: Happy New Year

After Thanksgiving, the rest of the year seemed to fly by. The Backstreet Boys did more shows and the tour was in Canada by the end of December. Everyone was getting tired and couldn't wait for some time off but it didn't look like they were stopping soon now that the group was getting more and more attention. Sales were doing great and the next album was already being discussed. They were in talks with a few people about the next tour too, but truthfully everyone wanted a break.

"So what are we doing for New Year's Eve this year, fellas?" AJ asked as they came out of their bus to go into the arena in Montreal to do rehearsals.

"I dunno. Maybe we should stay in this year." Nick suggested, not feeling like partying. Thanksgiving and Christmas had been pretty uneventful so he was a bit burnt on holidays, especially because he'd tried to get in touch with Mandy and failed horribly. It was then that Nick decided that he couldn't fake a relationship and wondered how Brian was doing so well at it, but supposed that Brian was still in denial so it was easier for him. Even if Mandy had wanted him back he couldn't do that to her or himself. She deserved someone that loved her, just as Leighanne.

"Leighanne is going to be in town so we are probably looking to do something." Brian said, looking forward to seeing his girlfriend for New Year's.

"So is Kristin." Kevin chimed in.

"So where does that leave me, AJ and Nick...because we don't have girlfriends." Howie asked with a chuckle.

"Have a threesome?" AJ joked, elbowing Nick who held back a scowl. He fake laughed and then coughed because he was uncomfortable.

"Maybe we could just have a night at the hotel and watch the ball drop on TV...order in some pizza and just hang out."

Nick genuinely liked this idea, but he didn't want to have to watch Brian slobber on his girlfriend at midnight. Secretly he wished he could be the one kissing him and nobody else would be there, just the two of them alone on some rooftop or another romantic place. He started to daydream and then noticed everyone staring at him.

"What?"

"You're zoning out, Nick. I asked what you thought of staying in this year." Kevin asked.

Nick started to blush. "I don't care, I'd rather stay in anyway. I'm not old enough to go out."

"That's 'cause you're still a baby." AJ teased, ruffling his hair. Nick hated being called the baby and scowled as everyone laughed.

"You're still a baby too. You're not 21."

"I'm still older than you."

"That means you'll become an old man before me." Nick said bluntly, which seemed to irritate AJ and he thoroughly enjoyed his expression afterwards.

"Okay so we are all staying in then."

"Does that mean I can drink?" AJ asked, and everyone rolled their eyes at him, all shouting at the same time.

"Shut up AJ!"

The guys had a show on New Year's Eve so they planned to go back to the hotel afterwards, and only Kevin's girlfriend ended up making it because she was on the road with the guys already. Leighanne's flight from LA got canceled and she couldn't come so Brian was in a poor mood all evening, yet he put on a smile for the crowd at the concert. Secretly Nick was very happy she couldn't make it but he felt bad for Brian. He also hoped somehow they would end up alone but knew that wouldn't be possible with how much Brian was in denial. It was then that it also hit Nick that he was about to be 18. It had been almost a whole year since he had confessed his secret to Brian, only to be told hiding it was the best thing to do. Nick wanted to tell everyone. He wanted to be honest with his friends and family but if they all acted the way Brian did, he didn't want that. Nick knew that it was best kept to himself but he also didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life. Hiding who he wanted to be was slowly eating away at him and he knew it but there was nothing he could do.