No One Can Reach Me | Changlix

The Cold

I won's ask you to commit to being in a relationship with me, so I beg you... please do not dig up... my feelings for you, which I try so hard to hide.

Felix sat curled up next to the water, whenever he panicked, he would always run to the water. He had tried so hard to block out everything that happened in his dorm room at night, this night he failed, and he ended up running away. His hands wrapped around his legs, hiding his face in them. It was a cold evening, and he was shivering, his arms wrapping tighter around himself to preserve a bit of warmth. Even though the door was open there was no heating in the school pool. How long has it been since he came here? Since he sat down next to the water, on the cold stone? He did not know.

Some people say that when they look back at their past, it brings them a lot of joy, Felix was not one of these people.
Other people said that they live in the future, to be able to welcome happiness with open arms, Felix did not care about his future

And then there are people that like to live in the current time, because they enjoy their current bliss, Felix did not feel any bliss, or happiness, or joy.

He often wondered when his time for happiness would come, but sitting here in the cold, he wondered if his happiness would come at all.

He looked up, staring at the blue water. Slowly pushing himself forward until he reached the edge, letting himself fall over it. The cold water hitting his skin. Closing his eyes as he let himself sink at the bottom. "I'm sorry for loving you..." The voice echoed in his head. He curled up under the water, softly crying. He stayed under water until his lungs burned, before kicking himself up from the bottom of the pool. As soon as his face hit the surface, he took a deep breath, inhaling the cold air. He swam to the edge of the pool, climbing out to take his position back on the edge, curling up in himself on the edge. "You did not deserve this..." He whispered to himself.

"Hey, I was looking everywhere for you." Felix his body shivered, recognising the voice instantly. "It's already late, and it's getting colder by the minute. Let's go inside?" Felix did not react, he tightened his arms around his legs and kept his face down, hidden from anyone to see. "Wait, why are you wet?" He could not react to the man, because he could not control his own emotions. It scared him that he was not in control, that he did not know what he would do if he let go if his legs, so he stayed there on the floor, curled up and hidden from the world, waiting and willing for the other to disappear again. "Felix, please come back... you might catch a cold if you stay out here." His voice sounded desperate and hurt. Hurt enough that Felix felt the pain in his own heart.

He felt how a hand reached out and moved into his hair, touching the soft strands. Slowly he turned his face upwards and looked straight into the eyes of Changbin, eyes that were so close to his own, eyes filled with worry. He quickly turned his head away from the others touch, standing up from the cold grounds, his limps stiff from the cold. He did not look at the man before him, he just stared at the pavement.

There will always be a line between us that I can never cross.

There was a soft smile on Changbin's lips as he reached out a hand, a smile that Felix could not see, but a hand that just moved in his line of vision. "let's go." Felix stared at it for a while, being tempted to take it but deciding to walk back to the dorm on his own. When he reached the dorm, he wanted to move straight to his bed, but he was wet and cold. He grabbed a towel and made his way to the communal showers. Walking straight past Changbin ignoring him as he quickly moved under the shower, turning up the heat. The hot water burned his skin, it hurt him, but it distracted him from the pain inside. When he finally turned off the water, his skin was bright red. He quickly walked back to his dorm room, leaving wet footprints down the hallways. When he reached the room Changbin was still awake, but he ignored him, quickly making his way into his bed, pulling the covers up to hide himself. He curled up, his body still in pain from the hot water, trembling. He remembered the coldness of the water; it was almost as cold as that night.

We found a body...

Felix look away...

What have you done...?