No One Can Reach Me | Changlix

Enough is Enough

The next morning, Felix sat in the classroom, his head popped up in his hand as he was staring out the window. "You were invited to Changbin's room?" Felix let out a sigh as he overheard the girls talking behind him. So, he invited another one. "Shhh, not so loud..." The girl responded and Felix rolled his eyes, yes please keep it down, the gossiping of you two is disturbing my peace, he thought as he closed his eyes again. "Isn't its kind of dangerous... you know... going into the boy's dormitory and all?" Yes, it is dangerous so don't come, Felix thought as he could still hear the conversation between the girls even if they were whispering now. "To be honest... I am a little scared, but Changbin said it had to be me." He just wanted to turn around and yell at them that Changbin said that to every single girl, as long as the name was right.

The sharp pain in my chest is rendering me incapable of rendering my emotions.

An audible laugh left his lips, he quickly had to cover his mouth to keep the chuckling silent. "What's so funny?" The two girls turned to him, they seemed frightened by Felix his laugh." A confident smirk formed on his lips as he stretched out slightly before tapping his chin while looking at them. "Nothing... I just can't stand how naïve you are... Changbin will ask out any girl, as long as they have the right name." He sounded confident and mean, and he had no idea where it was coming from. It was like something had snapped inside of him. He was never rude or mean to anyone, he barely talked to people he did not know. He just couldn't stop it anymore, there were so many feelings locked up inside of him. "I suggest that you will not overestimate you own worth; you'll just end up getting hurt." Felix watched as the girl's friend stood up glaring at him. "Asshole." She spat at him. "Let's go..." She grabbed her friends' hand and pulled her away, out of the classroom. It should hurt him, being called an asshole, he has never been called an asshole before, because he never behaved like one, but it didn't. It didn't hurt, he just felt empty inside, emotionless.

"Wow, don't you think you were a little to blunt with your words?" Felix turned his head to spot Jisung. He quickly moved his eyes away staring at his food suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. He shrugged turning back to his friend. "Not at all, I think it is crueller to let her deceive herself, to let her think that she is special, to let her think that Changbin actually has feelings for her. I might have just saved her from heartbreak.

I am such an idiot... the one he likes is actually....

Felix sat on his bed on one side of the white line, Changbin sat on his own bed on the other side of the white line. It was just the two of them, no girls. Just the two of them with no sound but the sound of the clocking ticking away slowly. Felix sat there staring out the window, deep in thoughts. "You are not listening to music tonight?" Changbin said suddenly, breaking the silence. Felix kept his stare on what was beyond the window. "There are no distracting noises, so there is no need." He spoke with a monotone voice, not interested in a conversation with the man. It was another thing he learned from an early age on. If you spoke in a monotone voice and you did not show emotions people would not be interested in talking to you, and if people would not talk to you then they could not hurt you. If you show no feelings, you can pretend that you don't have them.

"Speaking of distracting noises, why is she not here yet? She was so happy earlier when I asked her to come tonight." Felix rolled his eyes. "She might have realized that you are just playing around with her and backed out." He finally moved his eyes away from the window, grabbing his book from the nightstand before leaning back against the wall opening it. He spoke with confidence, it was fake confidence, but Changbin did not know that. "So, you knew I was meeting a girl here tonight?" Felix slightly stiffened at Changbin's responds especially as the other moved to the edge of his bed closer to Felix. "Could it be that you said something to her?" Felix jolted slightly, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. "You bring a girl here every night, so I figured today would be no different."

He hoped Changbin would drop the matter, but of course the older wouldn't. "So, you did not talk to her, and tell her I was just playing with her feelings? She is in your class is she not?" Felix looked at Changbin a frown forming on his face. "Did you stop her from coming here, because you were... oh I don't know... jealous, maybe? If so, you did not have to go behind my back, you could have just told me." Felix his eyes widened as he dropped the book he was holding. As much as he could control his voice and his face, he could not control the blood flow to his head, turning it bright red. Changbin's smile grew wider as he noticed the redness in Felix his face. "Do you dislike me for fooling around with girls?" Felix grew more and more agitated, he did not want to listen to Changbin his voice anymore, he did not want to hear his words anymore. Sometimes things should remain hidden, feelings should remain hidden.

Changbin had moved closer again, now standing on the white line. Felix looked up at him with fear in his eyes. "Shut up!" he first spoke softly, but when Changbin reached out, he could not keep silent anymore "SHUT UP! I AM NOT! I AM NOT JEALOUS!" He screamed, finally giving in to his emotions. "YOU BRING GIRLS HERE; YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH NO REGARDS TO ANYONE AROUND YOU!" He threw the book at Changbin making him take a step back from the white line. "I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THIS MESSED-UP GAME OF YOURS ANYMORE!" He felt tears in the corner of his eyes. How long had he been keeping his emotions inside, how long has it been since he allowed himself to feel anything? "Just leave me alone..." He finally added, almost a whisper. His breathing was heavy, all that build up frustration pouring out of him. His face was still red, but with anger not with shyness. He pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and hiding his face. He did not want to see Changbin's face anymore, he did not want to see the shocked expression the other was wearing.

After a few minutes of silence, of awkward tension that has never been there before, Changbin finally moved. Felix could hear him moving around the room. He heard the room open. "I'm sorry, if you are against me taking girls to the room you should have told me, I will make sure to meet them outside from now on." Felix peaked out of his blankets, just as Changbin was looking at them. Their eyes met for a moment and neither of them moved. "I don't want to play your messed-up game either... if only you could be honest." With those words he left the room, closing the door behind him. Leaving Felix alone, alone again, staring at the door.

Felix moves his head back, hiding his face in his arms as the sobs came over him, his shoulders shaking lightly. He wanted to hide away from the world. He wanted to disappear