No One Can Reach Me | Changlix

The End

Changbin took of his helmet still seated on his bike as he spotted a lone figure in the distance, sitting on a pair of rocks. He quickly parked his bike and made his way over. When he was close enough, he saw the tears on Felix his face, the sadness on his face as he stared at the ocean. He just sat down on a rock, not far away from him, looking at the man he loved.

It might have been minutes, it might have been hours, before Felix finally spoke. "How did you know I would be here?" Felix finally turned his attention to him and Changbin gave him a small smile, taking the acknowledgement as a sign he could move closer. Sitting down next to him. "Sana told Hyunjin about Bang Chan." He figured it was better to tell the truth than to lie. "When you were gone, I felt like you would probably be here." Felix nodded and turned his attention back to the ocean. He remained silent for another way. Changbin just sat next to him, giving Felix the time and space, he needed.

"I always looked up to him, my three-year older neighbour who always took care of me. I think I always loved him. Bang Chan was confident in everything that he did. He was smart in school and made music. I always thought that nothing could hurt him." Changbin reached out a hand taking a hold of Felix his hand, holding it tightly. "I didn't know... I thought everyone always looked up to him, that everyone saw what I saw. An amazing person that you could not help but admire" Tears started streaming down Felix his face. "I did not know he was struggling at school, that people bullied him. That they hurt him." Felix turned to face Changbin "They hurt him because he liked men." He felt anger in his own anger rising, squeezing Felix his hand. "They hurt him to the point he did not want to live anymore."

Felix stared at their hands for a moment before turning his eyes back to the ocean. "That night, on his sixteenth birthday he told me he wanted to go swimming. We would often go swimming together. There is a freedom, when you are floating in the water. He said he wanted to be free." Felix moved closer, pressing his body against Changbin's. "He kissed me that night, for the first time. We kissed me in this spot. We stayed on the beach, talking almost until the sun came up again. Until I fell asleep. I still remember the last words he ever spoke to me. I'm sorry for loving you, please live a happy life" Felix his body was trembling, and he could guess what would come next. "When I woke up, he was gone. I walked around the beach trying to find him until my parents came to the beach looking for me. I did not want to go, I wanted to find him. His parents wanted to find him. When the tide came in, we found his body. At first, I was angry, angry at him for kissing me, for making me love him and then leaving me, for just giving up on his life. I was angry at myself, if I had not fallen asleep, then maybe he would still be here. Why did I fall asleep?"

The two remained silent staring at the ocean. A tear fell down Changbin's cheek as he held a crying Felix close to his body. After a long time, Felix spoke again. "After his death, the truth of what happened at his school came out, how they bullied him, what they had done to him. The bruises where still on his body. They hurt him because he loved me, because he loved a man. When his parents found out they blamed me, they said it was all my fault. I was still angry, but not at him, I was angry at myself, because it was my fault, I fell asleep, I was the person he loved. I was angry at the people who hurt him to the point of not wanting to live anymore. Who could do something like that? The only flaw they found in him was loving a man... why is loving another man a flaw... it is love is it not?"

Felix turned to look at him. "He apologised for loving me... I should have apologize for loving him. After what happened to Chan, I became afraid. I loved him back, does that mean the same will happen to me. After what happened, everything I touched would break. I could not show my emotions because then they would hurt me, like they hurt him. I would live for Chan, I would be happy, but I was like him. I thought I would never fall in love again."

"Then I met you..."

Changbin looked at him, pressing a soft kiss to Felix his forehead. "I was afraid, to fall in love with a man, to fall in love with you. I thought we needed a line to divide our life's, so I held on to that white line in the middle of the room. If we each stayed on our side of the line, then no one would get hurt. What happened to Chan would not happen again. It would not happen to you, they would not hurt you, I would not lose someone I love again. Even if I could only love you from a distance, at least you would be happy... but you made it impossible to stay away."

Changbin smiled softly, opening his mouth for the first time since he sat down next to the man he loved. "Bang Chan would not want you to be unhappy, that you have to hide your true self, your emotions. He would have wanted you to find happiness, for you to be accepted in a way he never was." Felix smiled at him. "Do you accept me? Love me?" Changbin smiled, giving a kiss on his forehead before standing up, moving to the edge of the ocean.

"Bang Chan, hereby I promise you; I will look after him for you, take care of him and will do everything within my power to make him happy. I am sorry we never met, but I promise that I will protect what you love, because he is someone I love as well."

He turned back to see Felix, wrapping the younger in his embrace.

"You are not alone anymore; I will never leave you."