Second Composer

Chapter 20

Days have passed since my sister left on her business trip and I am struggling to get through even a day.

I have been feeling nothing but stress as of late and almost broke down when it got too much. It wasn't helping that my insomnia has gotten worse, and the sleeping pills are hurting me more than it is helping me. My appetite also seems to be nonexistent at this point. Now, I am consistently getting headaches and feel drained.

Today is the day that our group assignment to perform and I was almost tempted to just ditch the boys so I can stay in bed. In the end, I don't think I can take the guilt of not showing up and disappointing them, even though I know that I disappointed them with the song that I composed. I still have the song that I wrote on the first day the assignment was announced but never have the time to show the boys. The song that I composed for the performance makes me feel like the one that I wrote for Toki. Which means that I dislike it. Actually, I dislike it even more that Toki's song. I just want to burn it, but it is already too late to write a new one.

Before it was our turn to perform, the group decided to meet up hours early to get some last-minute performance in and try to fix any minor things. And this is what we are doing right now. We got permission to used one of the empty practicing rooms the day before. I was in the far corner room, in charge of playing and stopping the instrumental song when they need it, and watch the boys practice. Well, try to watch as my vision keeps coming and going from lack of sleep. I hear someone telling me to stop the song and I robotically obey.

"I keep telling you to stop doing that, Ren." I hear Toki say.

Although I can't see well, I can guess that Ren shrugs his shoulders and Toki lets out a heavy sigh.

"Let's just take a break." Syo said, interfering before a fight broke out.

I am grateful to Syo as I didn't want my headache to get worse from the loud shouting.

"Okay." Ren-san said.

I didn't hear Toki say anything, but I think he nods. I see the boys split off to their respective bags, before putting my head down into my knees. Even with my eyes close, I can feel my head pulsing in pain.

"You are alright?" I hear someone ask.

I wasn't expecting anyone to come near me, so I jump. I look up and see Syo's blurry figure standing in front of me.

"I'm fine." I said, slurring my words a little. "Just a little headache."

"Do you want something to ease the pain?" Syo asked.

I shake my head before putting my head down. Even though I said little, I know that that is a lay as the pain is almost unbearable, but I did not want them to worry about me when they are about to go preform.

"Are you sure?" Sounds of rustling was coming to my left side. "Why don't you tell Hyuga-sensei that you aren't feeling well? I think he'll understand that you can't show up."

"I'm fine. I just need to rest a little bit right now." I said, not lifting my head at all.

It was quite for a second before Syo says, "Okay, but if it gets worst, tell me. Alright?"

"Alright." I said.

"I think we rested enough." Toki's voice rang throughout the room. "Let's get back to practicing."

Syo sighs in annoyance before getting up. We continue this for the next two hours. We get out of the practicing room and make our way to where we are assigned to perform. Since I didn't need to be on stage, I go wait backstage as the boys go change into their outfits. I feel so nervous, not knowing if we are going to pass or fail. I scratch my left hand, be more aggressively with each passing minute. I calm down slightly when I see the boys coming out of the dressing room that they provide for the students.

"You all look great." I said, even though I can't really see.

"These are really high quality." Toki stated as he feels the fabric on his arms.

"It pays to get good connection." Ren-san said.

I am guessing Ren-san is giving us a smirk by the sound of his voice.

"Yeah, yeah. We get it. You are rich." Syo said.

Just before anyone can continue this conversation, someone calls our group.

"Looks like it's finally our turn." Toki said.

"Yeah." Syo said.

"Good luck." I said, trying to encourage them with a smile.

"Thanks, Koneko-chan." Ren-san said.

I feel Ren-san rub my head before watching they all go onstage. Nerves comes back as I wait for them to start. I was hanging off on the edge of my seat throughout the performance. Once it has ended, I hold my breath in anticipation. I can feel my fingernails digging into my skin, but I didn't know care as I want to know what the judges think about our performance.

"You failed." A woman's voice said.

My heart drops when I heard that. It was like the world was crashing down on me. I feel water building up in my eyes. I was so heartbroken that I didn't here what the judges have to say. I didn't even hear the boys coming back arguing. The room suddenly feels too small and it was getting hard to breath. I try to get air back into my lung, but I instead start hyperventilating. I couldn't take it anymore and leave the room running. I hear voices behind me but couldn't make out the words. I don't know where I was going, but I know that I want to get away as far as possible. The voices follow me, making me panic even more.

"Teresa!" Toki's voice called out to me clearly.

I turn around, but that was a mistake. My vision wavers as I feel the ground under me disappear. I feel pain as I roll down the stairs. The last thing that I hear before completely blacking out is Toki calling out my name again.