Waiting on Sarah Grace

Something Old

I feel numb, maybe a little lighter.  It helps to know that I don't have to hide everything that was done to me.  I know he knew some of it, but to have it all brought into the light and out of the dark of my thoughts... I never have to see those men again; they're all gone.  I don't feel shame; I shouldn't.  None of it was my fault, I was just caught between some bad people and what they wanted.  It's in my past and it changed me, but I can't let it break me.  I don't want to hide away in my sleep anymore.  It will still replay in my dreams and there are things, smells, and sounds mostly, that will trigger some kind of unwanted reaction, but I can move forward.

"Baby you ok?"

"Yeah, I will be anyway."

Watching the scenery go by, it wasn't that long ago that I traveled this same highway, heading to a new home and what was supposed to be an exciting future.  Now, going the opposite way, I'm not sure I even care about a home anymore.  I don't have a preference where I live.  New Orleans isn't home, especially since none of my personal things are there; the house was redecorated after I left since it was going to be rented out.

"Baby, we're stopping for gas soon, are you hungry?  I can find somewhere with more than just a gas station."

"Yeah, let's find a Waffle House.  Waffles would be good."

"Sure thing."

Not sure why, but Waffle House is only for road trips.  Maybe it's just a routine.  Mom and I always stopped there when we were on the road going to horse shows.  I don't know if I'll ever show again.  I love the travel, the competition, the adrenaline rush from jumping... I know I have more time now than I ever did before, but without my mom, I just don't have the "want to" anymore.  We pull off the highway and into a gas station.  Shooter gets out to get gas and I stay in the truck, I can wait till we get to the restaurant for a bathroom break.

"Love, I have to make some phone calls, so it's gonna be a minute.  Do you want to go in here or wait?"

I let him know I can wait and lean the seat back, just a little, so I'm not sitting straight up.  I lay my head down and shut my eyes, I hope he's not long.

I walk around to the back of the truck and get my phone out, looking up the number for the church before I even get to the gas pump.  Hopefully, I can get a day planned and her dad can arrange to get some people to show up for the wedding.  I sent my team a text earlier letting them know what I wanted to do, asking them to wait about moving out until I know what day.  After three rings someone picked up and got the priest on the phone, after telling him the whole situation, he set it up for us to get married in four days.  I sent my team the message and let them know, now to call Tank and let him know.  I explained everything she told me to her pops and he's loading up Gran, Grit, and Greaser to get here ASAP.  He's bringing the dress and whatever else Gran tells him to, I'm loving that little old lady more and more.  Next, I call my folks and let them know the plan. They said they would be there hell or high water.  Dad said he would see if a neighbor can fly them in since they've already been away longer than they originally planned and just got back home.  I call the bar manager and ask her to block off a room for a reception, the perks of my future wife owning said bar.  The manager said she would take care of food, and cake and find a photographer.  I called my mom back and asked her if she could manage flowers and she's on it.  So our wedding is becoming an elaborate affair for the middle of the week at two thirty in the afternoon.  I get back in the truck and Sarah Grace is asleep, now I hate to stop for food; she's been struggling with sleep and she needs more.  But if I don't stop for waffles she's going to be disappointed, waffles are only good on a road trip.

The sun is just starting to set when we cross the Pearl River into Louisiana and traffic begins to pick up the closer we get to Lake Pontchartrain.  I had to silence my phone to keep the wedding plans a surprise. Thankfully by the time I wind my way through the narrow streets in the city limits, the sun has gone down enough that it's not shining directly in my eyes. Sarah Grace is still asleep, I made the call to skip Waffle House, we'll make that stop on another road trip soon. She needed sleep as much as she needed food and I'll have something delivered to the house after we get there. It's been a long drive and an even longer few weeks. I'm ready to stop and resume normal living, whatever that is at this point. I know there are still bad guys to hunt and a mc chapter that needs me, but my girl needs me more.