.Life Of A Trapped Wolf.

-11-

The castle of the queen was up the mountains and it was huge (pic at the start), never seen something so big but she was the queen so not a surprise.

We arrived not long ago and through our bond I felt Asher's sadness towards my situation but I didn't acknowledge it.

I saw those packs Asher called Calamity and Clover... They were a big family... I wish our life had never changed, pack never killed out... Or at least I wished I had died with them that day... I gained nothing from this life...

I was nervous with so many people around, but I kept my well learned facade up, how could an alpha's twin be such a wimp? I won't drag her down with me.

"Her Majesty the queen awaits you in the throne room, people of the Blackblood, Calamity and Clover packs, please follow me." A butler said loudly, easily gaining everyone's attention before we followed him, our little group of four being the last ones.

The queen was quite young, a glow to her light brown hair and blue eyes I'd never have, feeling like a dead weight to all.


"Clover, Calamity and Blackblood pack, I see you came as asked," She said in a beautiful yet dangerous and strong voice, I was disgusted by the lust in the eyes of the probably unmated men, I've seen too many of those gazes meaning no good directed at me. "So... The Clover pack... Raise your arms."The pack on the left of us did... Well more like a clan, there were more vampires in that pack then wolf... Like Asher's new pack mixed with her adoptive clan... I am slightly jealous... She had a good life while I had to suffer hell. "Calamity?"The pack on the right did... Not really a traditional 'pack' as they smelled of tamed rogues, those were rogues that were forgiven for their crimes by the queens and made a true pack again. "Blackblood." Only us twins did so which surprised the others, assuming our mates were also from our pack... Our... Mates... "Alright, I called you all here to relieve to you something our historians found in the darkest depths of our history." She said and clapped, an old man entering the room, carrying a thick book.

"Alright everyone... I will not be interrupted so keep your muzzles shut while I talk," He said clearly in a rough voice strained by age as he flipped the book open. "Okay then... It's said, Luna, the moon goddess descended on earth with her children to create the first werewolves, the three children, two male and one female, each with different powers, the first born, a male, had speed on side and the second had strength, Luna felt the female wolf would not keep up with her male siblings and gifted her with a male inner wolf so she had the strength of both.

As years went by and the cubs grew, the eldest grew jealous of his sister and attacked her, Luna sentenced him to roam the lands without a land to call his own, creating the first rogue.

The second children succumbed to power too but didn't want his sister's powers. He would kill and ravish in the sight of the blood bath he created, he was cursed to lose his wolf, become as pale as the moon and cursed to roam around like his older brother but only able to eat and drink blood to appease his hunger and thirst, creating the first vampire.

Seeing what became of her two older siblings saddened the girl as she stayed at her mother's side, never abusing of the gift her mother gave her and stayed the first alpha but her heart was black.

From that day each of the three children grew up apart, rogues, vampires and wolves growing different until vampires had nothing left in common left with the wolves.

The moon goddess had left the earth by long at the time but the three children and her name where still said as myths.

The first vampire, unending thirst for blood, Clover.

The first rogue, the betrayer of packs, Calamity.

And the first alpha, her heart black with grief, Blackblood."

Silence filled the room for obvious reasons, our families descended from the goddess and the queen wasn't from any of these families.

"What does that mean?" A vampire asked after the heavy silence, I wonder too.

"That means everyone from the Clover, Calamity and Blackblood pack is a direct descended of the moon goddess and her children, that means that you would all be as high or higher rank then me." She voiced my thoughts.

Silence again.

"You are our queen. We don't wish to dethrone you." The same vampire said, sitting on his knees and putting his forehead on the ground with the rest of his clan doing the same.

"We were forgiven for our sins, we wouldn't even think about going against you." The tamed rogues bowed while kneeling down on one knee.

"We have no want for power nor riches, we are good right where we are us two." Asher said and put her right fist over her heart and the left arm in her back before bowing, I did as her almost at the same speed, I wonder how she remembers this form while Sky and Carla quickly imitated us.

"I'm honored to know you all think so highly of me even when you could take me of the throne."

"I got one question." Asher said. "It was said Blackblood had a male wolf.... Did it ever happen again?"

"I understand your question and no Blackblood was found with a male wolf from that day but their strength never left and if there ever were other male wolves in your family we were never told, ever... I got a question of my own, why is there only two of the most powerful pack here? I asked for all of them."

"If I may queen... My pack got killed of when I was a child and only found out Ashley was alive not long ago." My heart squeezed in my chest painfully as I lowered my head for a moment.

"Sad to hear."

"Yes but I got one more thing to say."

"Yes?"

"I, Asher Blackblood, have a male wolf named Alexander or Xander for short, as no others of my pack ever told you I do feel like the need to inform you dear queen."

The silence was back again... I don't like it...

She blinked and I saw her open her now blue eyes and crossing arms, blatant disrespect towards the queen which stressed me out a little.

"Listen here, I'm Alexander, wolf of Asher who's herself alpha of what remained of the Blackblood's and alpha of the grey claw pack and member of the blood moon clan, if you don't believe just listen to me freaking voice, I don't sound like a girl at all and I clearly don't look up at the royalties in front of me and no I don't miss having a male body as I never had one to miss in the first place, yes I'm a male when I shift and Asher knows that to but that's all the male things that was ever in us except for the way we may act."

"You sure are a brave wolf to behave like this in this room Alexander." Please don't hurt them... I can't lose my sister... Not again... Please...

"I learned from the best queen, the Blackblood pack never had a male alpha after all, or at least so you were told~."

"Yes true but now I believe the truth was just hidden from us."

"So do you believe us now."

"Yes."

"Good, thanks queen." She bowed but not as low as she should have.

"I wish to speak with the alpha then." Xander refused.

"I'm afraid not, I'm in control of the body for a while as giving control back to her would cause her to collapse and continue sleeping without noticing she wasn't in her head anymore."

"I understand... Well, now that you know of the legends about all your families and kept me as sole queen I will ask you to be ready to answer my call if war was ever ready to come and I ask you to fight on our side."

We all bowed.








On the way back Xander and I changed into wolves and carried the girls, the way down the mountain would be much easier for all of us like that.

I did all I could to ignore the sparks I felt as she held on mine.








Flashback:

"Do you hate me?" Carla asked, stopping me from leaving by standing in my way, I've been avoiding her and leaving when she tried talking with me these last few days we stayed at the castle.

I tried going around her, but she grabbed my arm, sparks shooting up it, I refused to meet her gaze.

"Ashley what's your fucking problem?! Is it because I don't fucking want a relationship with you?!" She yelled at me, my emotions bubbling up rapidly.

I yanked myself free and glared at her darkly, trying to scare her off with hate and a loud growl but my eyes couldn't hold that, pain and sadness swimming there and she could see it.

"What if I said yes?! You basically rejected me and even if I don't like that you are right, I can't help it! I'm a fucking wolf for goddess sake!" I yelled back, emotions breaking passed my carefully built wall to protect myself.

"I didn't reject you!"

"Telling your mate you simply want to be friends or have no relationship with them is rejecting the mate bond!" I could see the trouble and confusion in her eyes... She didn't believe me... Of course she didn't... I can't do it... No more...

"I had enough! I, Ashley Blackblood from the Blackblood pack reject you Carla Roseblood from the blood moon clan as my mate!" I loudly barked in Carla's face with tears spilling from my eyes at the pain the rejection caused, it felt so painful.

"Finish it,"I demanded, if she doesn't accept the bond is half intact and the pain will just keep getting worst and never dull.

"Finish the rejection ritual!" I said more forcefully, wanting the pain to be over and just escape from here, from her.

"CARLA FINISH IT!!!" I grabbed her and shook her hard. I noticed her turning her gaze away and shoved her, thinking of running away... But I can't disappoint Asher and be a weak bitch...

"I'll take you home but don't talk to me after that," I coldly said and ran away, wanting to get far from her before I would start crying again.


End of flash back:








I hadn't talked to her since then unless it was needed and was always professional about it, never friendly in anyway or the pain in my chest would flare up.

I wanted to ease the pain somehow, so I turned to something... Bad... I am so ashamed of it, lucky me autumn was just around the corner so no one asked about the long sleeved hoodies I wore to hide my arms and wrists, cut up each day to relieve the pain and just help with how I felt.

I tried to occupy myself, always working and doing things when I could, masking my growing pain and increasingly darker thoughts, not wanting to bother people, when I met Carla and couldn't avoid her it would hurt the most, those blushes... I wish I was the reason for that... I wish but I am worthless... Worthless... Worthless...

I can't do it anymore. It hurts too much it hurts so much...

Crystal help... But she was as broken as I was.








(Okay those that don't do well with blood, self-harm or almost successful attempted suicide please don't read the end of this chapter as in this spin-off of the original book it will be descried what lead her to it, it will be briefly explained in the next chapter but without the triggering parts if you get me so please PLEASE, if you don't do good with such things... Skip the rest.)

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I can't do it no more.

"Sorry sister, sorry Crystal.... Sorry Carla." I made my mind up, I am done, if fate won't ease my pain I will do it myself.

I was home alone which is good... No one would be here to stop me... I'd be free from pain soon.

I wrote a note. I can't be a piece of shit and leave without a goodbye, it would make me worst then what I am already... A piece of shit.

I quickly scribbled it down.


-well, I never thought I would leave a note, but I still did... I had enough of the pain, of the memories, the nightmares. I had enough of the pain I feel because a someone didn't finish the rejection ritual so this is my goodbye, I love everyone, even Carla who didn't care about me, I'm sorry I ignored you for a month, it was wrong of me and surely will leave a bitter memory when I'm gone, goodbye Asher and I'm sorry, I love you sis but it's to much... Goodbye Carla, I love you even if you don't... -Ashley-



Tears fell heavily as the note crumpled in my hands before I smoothed it out and went downstairs wondering where to leaving, I saw a pile of note so I hide it under the others.

My feet were heavy but for once I felt odd-ly free of my troubles as if the world knew and agreed with my choice to end it all.

I smiled at the irony of fate, making me survive what others did to me but fail to stop my own hands from hurting me, I wish it had been the other way around or for none of this happen but I am done.

I locked the door behind me. It was almost time for Carla and her brother to get home, they are NOT stopping me... No one is.

I dropped my hoodie and pants, entering the bathroom, the silence of my mind and room were deafening me, I turned on the tab of the bathtub to fill out the noise, I stared at the water before slowly closing the drain, watching the water pool and the level rise.

I turned to the mirror and burst out in sobs, I saw nothing but a broken girl, I was so done with life. I slammed my forehead into the mirror, but it just rattled without breaking.

This is for the best, my mind whispered constantly, you'll be free, it screamed, I closed the faucet and dipped my hand into the water almost completely feeling the tub, the water being the only warmth I felt in years.

My hands shook as I reached up for my razor and popped the plastic covering like many times before now, just throwing what I didn't need this time, I wouldn't need it anymore.

The hurt in my chest seemingly lessened, the pain transferred to the skin splitting open on my wrist, the pain inside turning to pain outside. I watched the blood drip before pressing my hand on the cut and standing, tracing the word 'sorry' on the wall with it, a last apology as they will be mad at me... I am so worthless... Always hurting people...

I didn't stop, wrists, arms, thighs, legs, I stopped only when the razor slipped from my trembling hands.

I grabbed my chest with a gasp, the pain flaring up again, why? Why?! Why is it back?! I don't want to be hurt, please stop, I want peace.

I set my hand on the wall, the blood coating my legs and the tiles at my feet were a deadly mix, slippery, it hurts so much, I can't do this, I will hurt others, I can't, I can't leave sis alone, I am so selfish!

As I tried to push away from the wall, last moment guilt making me backtrack, I slipped and slammed my face on the wall and then forehead on the other side of the tub and all that hard.

I fell myself fall in the water, vision doubled or tripled and already fading despite me fighting it.

I can't be a disappointment. I can't do this to my sister.

I felt so weak, arms and head heavy, almost as if they were dragging me under.

I am so selfish, it burns, it hurts.

The water infiltrated my lungs without resistance

Please, help, I am scared, it burns, I can't breath.

I almost heard some muffled hits on something, could be help... Or just my blood pounding in my head.




Help.




Please.




I'm sorry.




I...








I'm don't want to die...