.Life Of A Trapped Wolf.

-10-

"Ashley!" I tensed but quickly turned to my sister's voice, looking as normal as I could, all relaxed.

"Yeah what's up?"

"Obligatory meeting with the queen for us as we are Blackblood's along with Calamity and the Clover's, we need to bring our mates too so it will be a great moment to tell her."

"W-what?! Asher!!" I gulped, really scared.

"Come on a bit of courage." She laughed, not understanding what bothered me, not truly. "At least try, our mates must come, obligatory for them too."

"Just because of the meeting," I sighed.

...

I was sweating like mad when I knocked on Carla's door, if the queen asks for the mates no way I can say no... Even if I want to... Or only half of me wants... Moon goddess really said 'fuck her in particular' while creating me didn't she?

"Yes?" Carla opened the door, goddess I am scared.

"T-the queen off the werewolves has convoked a meeting with the Clover, Calamity and Blackblood pack." I said in a whisper.

"And? You're scared?" she asked.

"I must bring my mate to without having the option not too... But I don't want." I sighed.

"But if they need to go you need to tell them."

"T... T-th.... Then--" I couldn't say it.

"Are you alright?"

"Thenpackyourstuffbecauseweareleavinginthirtyminutes!!!" I quickly said, voice high-pitched and it took her a few minutes to decipher what I just said.

"You mean..." She shut up, pointing between her and me with raised eyebrows as cold sweat dripped down my back.

I sighed, lowering my head and nodding, this is not good... Please no...

"I..... I-I don't know what to say... I'm not looking to be in a relationship with anyone right now," she muttered, and I didn't expect anything else really and I didn't want a relationship either but it still hurt more then it should, turn my heart already made of dust in to smoke, dark smudge coating my lungs as it chocked me up.

"Don't worry, it's not a problem." I took a deep breath and forced a fake smile, always hidding what I feel....Always..." I.... I don't either, I could reject you if you wish," I said making my shoulders feel heavy like a tone of brick was put on each, not meaning it but what can I do? I have no choice in the matter.

"But isn't rejecting........... Hurt you guys?" She asked, if only you knew.

"Well it does but I'll be fine."

"How much would it?"

"Well... Mates are soul mates, made to be your other half, some lucky wolves can find a second mate if the moon goddess chooses so and I have been unlucky up until now... So my luck should come back full force soon so don't worry." I say with a smile, but I couldn't tell if she realised it was forced from my part as Crystal whimpered in my head.

She stayed quiet for a while before shaking her head.

"I don't want to hurt you, don't go through with the rejection but that doesn't mean I want any romance."

"I said neither do I."

"Alright then... I'll... Be ready soon." She closed her door and I stared at it for a while before walking away on auto pilot, it hurt........ She just basically rejected me without officially rejecting me... But it still hurt... was I really alright with not wanting her as a mate? No... No, I wasn't... Honestly, I don't care anymore that she's almost family to Asher, I thought that weeks ago... I don't care... I want my mate, but she doesn't want me... Fuck my life... Fuck everything...

I wiped away a stray tear and went to get ready.

....

I packed my things quickly, wanting to leave and be done with this the fastest we would be.

I frowned when I felt water on my hands, staring at the drops before pulling my glasses off and wiping my face of any tears with my free hand.

"Keep it together, keep it together." I whispered, voice creaking under the strain.

I thought that now that I was free life would be good, life would be worth living, I should have died with the two people that left with me, it should have been one of them that escaped not me, I am not worth it.

I tried to stop the thoughts, but they blinded me as I lost my fight and instead of wiping my face I was just smearing the tears over it, they were falling too fast.

I took a deep breath and dried my face in my pillow when I heard a knock on the door and whipped around, frantically looking for something and grabbing a notebook, scribbling a shopping list in it and quickly sharpened the pencil before uncapping the sharpener and emptying it on my face.

"Sorry, you scared me." I said with a smile as I opened the door, smelling Carla, rubbing the pencil lead and dust of my face as my tears coated them.

"Sorry, you must have really been thinking to have gotten that stuff in your face." She apologised softly before handing me a tissue. "Here."

"Thanks and it is not much, just a shopping list." I showed it to her long enough so it was believable before wiping my face again. "I had been emptying the sharpener before you surprised me and enough up sending what was in it in my face... Lets go." I threw the tissue away after I cleaned my face off and dragged my suitcase out, hearing her follow me.

....

"Get a room!" I yelled when I saw my sister and her mate, Sky stepped away, blushing really red while I saw Asher roll her eyes at me, I concentrated on her as I felt Carla right by my side.

"Are you--" "Nah neither of us want a relationship right now." I said with a smile but it didn't reach my eyes and I knew it they didn't, she could have seen through it so I let her see long enough to not question my words before hiding my feelings away once more. "She's only coming because the queen asked."

"Alright... We should go now." She had said with a discreet sad smile in my direction before it vanished too so the others didn't see but I still felt it through to twin bond and sighed a little... I am not worth your pity. I am not worth it.

"Let's go." I said and we took of towards the mountains, I walked as the last one, to be able to let me face fall and decompose into a pained frown as I felt tears away.

A hand pressed over my heart.

Why does life hate me?

Is it even worth trying?

Is life even worth?

...

I start to think that it isn't.