𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ✔︎

||12||

A/N: In the previous chapter,some readers thought Tabassum was Husna's mother. You guys forgotten Tabassum was Husna's cousin who came with her parents. Lol. It's my fault that I updated so late that you guys were almost zoned out from the storyline. Sorry. So I have decided to complete this story as soon as I can.

How many shades had I seen of lonesomeness?

Uncountable. Not in my heart I have tried to count it, I have failed every time and lost counts of the numerous solaces echoing in the corridors of my life.

Mother-in-law was indifferent in her ways,her life. There was no changes visible. It looked like I was running in the treadmill of life,limitlessly. Not that hurted me— my parents didn't foundation me when I needed them, rather they reopened some wounds of my bleeding heart.

I knew, I was not the best child I ever could be. Same went for them also. They cared for me, my pain bothered them. This was enough for me to forgive them,to pray for them,to keep loving them. Parents never want ill of us,I reassured myself. It was just their misunderstanding which leaded the distance between us grow more.

What my family said deserved to give a second thought. They meant it every bit,it required much realization than I had never done ago. It required some answers to open the windows of my life,a hope for breathing was needed for me. However there wasn't any.

I conjectured to find that hope,that one ray of hope for which I could have passed my whole life untill my last breath. Even if, it was a false hope,a baseless,a meaningless or unexpected. But a hope. All I needed was hope.

The place of hope was of course something related to Bilal. If he had once commited, once promised or once determined to come back for me, I would have waited for him till eternity. I really would have. But he never filled that blank place of his coming back. He never assured me for his existence with me,nor did he cared to ask me once how we were living. There came one more question, 'WE'. Mother-in-law. He didn't also care for his mother once. No phone calls,no contact,he didn't even tried to communicate us through someone. The letters I had left were surely prewritten. Therefore we were unaware of our present states that time.  Did he trust me too blindly that he solely believed I was never gonna leave his mother? Never gonna break his trust ? Was he so assured of myself  more than me ?

What did it mean to me that time?

How many spaces could I more stare at where he didn't left any clue,any concern,any love?

He did make a mistake,I thought.

Those questions were unanswered but increased the anticipations of my heart rapidly. Doubt and love amagalted in my heart simultaneously.

I wanted to leave everything at once,just at once,in a blink. Unreal thoughts like detaching everything I had, forcing myself to believe that it all was a dream, expecting what was never gonna happen etched me at the crucial moment. That time, I was merely breathing with a lanky,sick mind with a paralyzed woman who could mostly groan at whatever I said, whatever I acted. Suffocating those pains in a cage,I continued my duty,the duty which had no pillars of hope,that was not offered to me but was burdened on my shatterable    shoulders.

I had choices but not optable.

There left only sighs to breath out,only loneliness to feed the famished heart and thorns in flesh.

After phases of the days I had deeply engrossed in lonesomeness, life had taken a U turn. But that turn was not anything pleasant and promotion,rather another thudding phase of living. Groceries came to an end,the delivery boy who used to come disappeared like any nonliving thing in this world. Tension and frustration thundered in the sky of our life. I had no chance of any income,any help from my own family. Living with a patient was not easy, expenses were unnoticed untill I got in the shoes to bear them. Till then,all the necessary things,food elements, medicines were presented out my door at the last of every month. That month was different. Month passed but no one came to deliver the mamoth amount of tissue boxes,the adult food,high dose medicines. I thought that was merely a delay. But I wasn't awared of— it was a decline.

Where was Bilal ? Where did he disappear leaving us dying in want of basic needs? His existence now was on threat for me. Petals of trusts started turning yellow, beginning of fading phase ushered oceans of tears with stormy tides. I had some money in  hand which lasted only for a week in buying the medicines and small amount of food for mother-in-law. Financial problem was something I had been witnessing from childhood,so I was not unaware how horrible and cruel it is. Poverty was the worst thing I had seen in my early ages. I had thought that, the "poverty" chapter would leave the pages of my life forever after I married Bilal. Same was thought from my family, in other words it was the only reason they married me off to Bilal. A rich army officer who could decorate the lights of my life in stars and moon with his richness and reputation. However,it happened. Didn't it ? I did live in Bilal's richness,but— only for a short time. The time soon faded when I faced the reality,the reality which opened another thornful road in front of me. The road started with a road breaker where the first step I took, was a dreadful threatening of slipping off and fall down.