the blind side of love | chaennie

forty-seven

Roseanne stood impatiently in Lisa's dressing room, or what Lisa had introduced as her dressing room, but felt to Roseanne more like a janitor's closet. "Cozy" had been Roseanne's diplomatic reaction, and it might've been true enough if not for the random clothes and hangers strewn about the floor, or the strange smell emanating from a mysterious bag in the corner. It was a shared space, Lisa explained, as if that, in and of itself, were a big deal.

"You move up in the world," Lisa continued, matter-of-factly. "Jennie's dressing room is huge. I glanced in the other day. Huge. It's got like a living room in it, practically. One day, that one will be mine."

Roseanne only nodded and silently wished that Jennie would drop in. If there was such a thing as being in withdrawal from another person's company, then that's what Roseanne was. She felt jittery and anxious.

"So," Lisa said, digging through the small bag on her lap. "I need your opinion on something."

"Hmm?"

"What flavor lip gloss do you think Jennie would like most?" Lisa held up various colored tubes. "I've got cherry, mango, orange, strawberry, apple—"

"Apple," Roseanne said automatically.

Lisa looked over at her. "Yeah?"

Roseanne wanted to kick herself. What was she doing trying to help Lisa select the right flavored lip gloss? "Or ... strawberry."

"You're no help." Lisa threw the tubes back in the bag and sat back in her chair. There was only one chair in the room, as only one chair would fit in there. They'd agreed to take turns sitting. "Waiting has to be the most annoying part of filming." She sighed and then brightened. "So, are you going to tell me about your mystery lover yet?"

"Tonight," Roseanne promised.

"Why not now? You're so infuriating with this stuff. Can I at least ask questions?"

"Sure, why not." Roseanne was happy enough to talk about Jennie, albeit indirectly.

"What's she like in bed?"

It was entirely unsurprising for Lisa to open with a question like that, and still Roseanne blushed. "I don't know ... yet."

"Oh no, no," Lisa said, shaking her head. "You haven't slept together yet? Why in the world not?"

Why in the world not. Roseanne didn't know Jennie's reasons, nor if Jennie even had reasons. The actress always seemed content to let Roseanne set the pace. "I'm just not ready," is what she told Lisa, and that was really the bottom line, as far as she was concerned. She wanted someone to talk to about all of this first. She needed to divulge every last detail of the past few months and sort through all the pieces. She needed Lisa to forgive her for lying and hug her and tell her that falling in love with a closeted movie star was actually a good thing. She didn't know why, but it felt important not to have all of these secrets weighing down on her.

Lisa looked very much like she wanted to protest the very notion of not being ready for sex, but Roseanne was spared the lecture by a knock at the door. "Come in!"

The door opened and Jisoo appeared, and Roseanne couldn't help but look behind her to see if Jennie was nearby.

"Hey, I was just looking for Marshall, have you seen him?" Jisoo directed the question at Lisa, but she glanced strangely at Roseanne.

It was then Roseanne noticed that Jisoo had a piece of paper in her hand and that she was discreetly urging Roseanne to take it.

"No, he dropped by earlier to make sure I was here, but I haven't seen him since."