"That's it for now!"
Is the last the I hear before I thrown awake. I sit up in bed sweaty and hot. My shaft is straining in my basketball shirts. As the dream washes over me. I groan feeling my shaft leak precum.
I need a cold shower. Rolling off the bed. I stand on shaky legs. I take off my shorts and boxers. Leaving me naked in my feeling a breeze. I turn to see my window open. Thank god it's dark in my room.
Stumbling to my window, I close itbthem walk butt naked to my shower. Climbing in, I turn on the cold shower. The water hits my skin, instantly cooling me off, but it does nothing to my shaft.
Groaning. I have to jack off. I grasp my shaft and stroke it. My length is tender, from all the jacking I've been having to do.
I finally shoot my load. Climbing out of the shower, I wrap a towel around me. Drying off I then use the towel to dry my hair.
Stepping into my room naked, I walk to my dressee, having to walk pass the window. I'm still thankful that no one can see my naked ass. Grabbing a pair of boxers, I put them one and a pair of shorts.
Walking pass the window again. I put on my tennis shoes. Grabbing my art supplies and a few canvases with my easel. I tread down the stairs slowly and quietly.
Quietly opening the back door. Slipping through. I close it gently. With my things in hand, I make my journey down the path to the woods.
The moon illuminates the pathway. Again as I walk through the woods I feel a presence, but I felt safe so I continue on. Until I get to the pond.
Setting my supplies up. I start to paint the pond and the willow with the moon casting it's shadows. I'm in my own world as I draw and paint.
Everything slips from my mind. This is what I love about art. It's my escape. Nothing bad can ever happen. I love how the brush is in sync with the canvas. How each color has a purpose. Tells a story. Makes you feel.
I'm lost in my world of paint wheb a stick breaks, turning around fast, I'm shocked I didntbget whip last. Standing there is Joey and Josey.
Just seeing that it's them. I go back to painting. They are the only ones that know that I'm artistic. They know know that I want to be an artist.
Yes, the big bad jock is an artist. Everyone has there calling. Mind is art and sports.
"It's beautiful, you know." Joey's voice is soft as I hear them take closer steps towards me.
"It's been a while since you painted." Josey tells me.
I take a step back to admire my work. The picture is an exact replica of the pond at night. It's like the real thing. From the moon's rays, to the sparkle in the water.
"What's bothering you?" Josey ask as she steps up on my side, looking at my painting. Joey steps on the other side.
"Nothing's the matter." I respond in a gentle voice. Even though something is bothering me. I can't let them know. I'm their big brother. I have to be strong for them.
"If you just tell us, you'll save us the trouble." Joey looks up at me with his big beautiful baby blue eyes, begging for me to take to them.
Blowing out a breathe. I decide to tell them. Maybe talking about it will stop it all, and help me figure something out.
Not taking my eyes off my painting, I speak. "I can't get Matthew out of my head."
"Do you have feelings for him?" Josey speaks.
"No! Yes!" I take a deep breathe. "I don't know."
"How do you feel around him?" Josey does all the talking.
I blush. "My heart beats faster. And my brain stops working."
"Someone has a crush!" Joey giggles cutely.
"I do not!" I say in outrage.
"Yes you do. I do the same thing around Casey, and Josey Erin." Joey giggle's the most cutest giggle ever. Why does he have to be so adorable?
"Give him a chance. You might actually come to like him, maybe even love him." Joey gets serious.
"But that's the thing. I can't let someone change me. I have dreams. I'm not going to throw that all away. I've worked too hard for it." I say looking away from them.
"How do you know it will change you?" Josey ask. I scoff.
"How do I know? Just look at you two. You're head over heels in love with your boyfriends. This is the first time we actually had a conversation in over two years! We used do be so close! But they changed you." I start packing up my things. Not wanting to look at their faces.
"I won't be like you. I won't give up everything I've worked for, for one person that might not even be the one! I'm sorry but I'm not you!" When I'm done, I storm away from them.
Storming through the woods, I talk to myself the whole way home. "How dare they think everything is just fine after they abandoned me!"
"Oh everything's fine! Where were they whenever I needed them? When I needed someone to talk to!" I mumble to myself.
"Where where they when I slowly begin to kill myself? Inside and out!" I see the tree line.
"They were no where! Now that their friend has taken an interest. Now I exist!" I'm sure if this was a cartoon, steam would be coming out of my ears.
Seeing my house, I run up the porch, into the house, up to my room. Putting my supplies away. I go to my cabinet. Taking out my pills, I walk into my room. Sitting on the floor, I stare at the meds that I'm supposed to he taken.
I can hear the voices slowly come back, they are like a hum in the back of my mind. It's been easy to ignore. But soon it won't be. I have a psychiatrist appointment Monday.
So I better start better start taken them. Taking. The morning pill for Saturday. I dry swallow it.
A year ago I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and psychic depression. I've have it all my life, I just decided that it was time to tell someone. And of course, as soon as mom heard, she took me to the Burks center.
All this time when I needed my siblings they weren't there. Now they want to try to hook me up with one of there friends. Why do you think I don't do relationships? They change people. It's easier to fuck them and move on.
I don't need anyone. I'm fine with just myself. I don't want to change. Or to give up what I've worked so hard to get.
He may be a crush. But that's all he'll ever be.
