Spidey One-Shots

Whole

This is my first book. Let's get straight into it.

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If you had told asthmatic, bullied, nerdy young Peter Parker that he would go on to become a mutant and save more lives than he could ever think of, he'd just say that he was glad he could help and then ask if he had put anyone at risk. Of course, this is all hypothetical, but Peter's need to please everyone and be accepted was not.

Little did he know that this very desire would nearly drive him into a deep depression.

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It was the regular day for our web-slinging hero, Spider-Man. Quite satisfied after helping an old lady cross the street who gave him a churro for "taking the time to be a chivalrous gentleman, unlike other uncultured brutes these days", here he was, sitting on a billboard, munching on said churro. Peacefully watching the sunset and the city while he was at it. The ambient setting was disrupted by a distinct cry of "SPIDER-MAN!"

Startled, Peter dropped his churro (which was immediately run over) and nearly face-planted into the asphalt before he shot out a web and pulled himself up. Regaining his bearings, the hero looked up at the billboard, only to see the Daily Bugle's evening news broadcast and the enlarged face of J. Jonah Jameson.

Well, would you look at that? It's Mr. Jolly Jamba Juice!

Now annoyed, he decided to humour the man, having nothing better to do. Sitting at the edge of the building, he turns his attention back to the broadcast.

If someone takes a picture of this, I might finally feature in a meme.

"On tonight's edition, we discuss the damage the Spider-Menace inflicts on society's most fragile: children. The primary reason for accidents at the playground is children attempting to replicate his rowdy stunts displayed on the streets. A child was rushed into ER after sustaining major wounds inflicted by shards of glass as a result of attempting to swing like Spider-Man from the chandelier. Remember, Spider-Man is not someone to be idolized, he is a menace to the society whose troublemaker influence spares nobody."

Did I really cause all of that?

"Oh stop it, ya ungreatful monkey!", yelled an elderly man somehow standing on a window-washer's platform...beside Peter...at the top of a 20-storey building.

"Um sir, I'm preeeeety sure you aren't supposed to be up here-"

"Nonsense! As if you have a permit.", said the man, now turning to face him.

Well, he does have a point.

"Listen son, I may not have any experience flying around town in skintight costumes, but that jerk has no right to belittle what you do on a daily basis. He gets paid to talk garbage about you, but you don't get paid to save the lives of the people in this city. That's enough to speak volumes about your character. You hear me?"

"Yeah, thanks Mister...?"

"Lee, but you can call me Stan, kid. See ya 'round!"

"See you around, Mr. Lee!"

As Peter was swinging home that evening, the report was playing on repeat in his head. While Stan's words did indeed have some weight, it did a feeble job of holding up the mountain of guilt and shame settling on Peter. He was to blame for those accidents. He was the cause for all of those hospitalizations. His self-depreciating monologue was interrupted by an announcement from Karen.