How to Save a Life (Niall Horan)

Chapter 9: Superhuman

Ellie’s POV

I couldn’t help sitting there and crying in front of him. It was safe to say that it all just caught up to me now. Sure I had slowly been growing to understand my father’s situation a bit more seriously, but after seeing his reaction to today’s treatment, it was the hardest smack to the face I ever could experience.

This morning had been my father’s fourth chemo appointment and each time his reactions had gotten worse and worse. He became more on edge and started acting weirder and getting sicker and sicker and…

I just couldn’t see him like that.

Today we had gotten home and he immediately went into the bathroom and got sick. I offered to get him something to eat or drink or do anything to help him and he just snapped at me, yelling and screaming telling me that no matter what I did nothing would make it better. It wouldn’t stop the pain. It wouldn’t stop the treatments or get rid of the cancer.

And it wouldn’t bring my mother or brother back.

After that I told him I was going to the store to pick up something, I didn’t tell him what, nor did he care, and to be honest, I had planned on doing something else to… end it. I really did. It was like he had told the horrible news all over again.

I had ended up back at the intersection where I had planned to step in front of a car the day Niall saved me. I stopped at the curb, just watching the other people walk down the sidewalks and cars fly through the streets. The light wind tussled my hair as I heard his voice play in my head over and over again. His shout of protest before he pulled me out of the way.

I couldn’t do it.

That was when I pulled out my phone and called him, and I practically ran to the hotel, not trusting myself and just wanting to talk to someone. I wanted to hear his voice and see his eyes and have him hold me. I wanted that feeling of safety he always created.

So that leads me to where I sit now staring at the floor as I listened to How to Save a Life. This song always reminded me of my mother, but my brother especially. I knew I could have done something to help him. He could still be with me right now. This song just reminded me of all the loss and pain and how there must have been a way to prevent it all from happening.

But I couldn’t. I messed up again and now my father was suffering because of it.

Yes, I know I didn’t cause the cancer and I obviously couldn’t do much to get rid of it, but there must be something I had done to make the universe want to hurt me. Karma is coming back to get me and taking my father down in the process.

I was snapped out of my thoughts and tears when the music suddenly stopped playing. I turned around to face Niall who stood by the dock, his finger lingering on the pause button.

“Why did you do that Niall?” I asked, my voice cracking.

He walked over and sat down, turning me a bit so I was facing him fully. I immediately tried to hide my most likely horrid looking face, but he grabbed my face and forced my gaze to meet his intent blue eyes and I immediately lost all will to look away.

“We need to talk.” He said. Now I found it extremely ironic at his word choice after the song that had just played. Then it kind of hit me.

He had met me when I was trying to kill myself. He said he would try to help me. How to save a life… step one…

“Taking your advice from a song?” I asked trying to avoid the conversation. I took a breath and stood up, wanting not to get too comfortable with him and try to regain my composure a bit if he did insist on talking. But he grabbed my wrist just as quick as I stood up. I turned to look at him.