𝖣𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖯𝖾𝗋𝖿𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 | 𝖪𝖺𝗇𝗀 𝖳𝖺𝖾𝗁𝗒𝗎𝗇

08 : 𝖯𝖾𝗋𝖿𝖾𝖼𝗍

[🌙]

[Y/N's POV]

1:48 AM.

I've stayed up past 12, unable to find that wishful doze of sleepiness to wash over me. I was but a motionless body on the bed, covers pulled up to my chest as I tried to feel comfortable. Taehyun was already sleeping peacefully beside me. I have been staring at him for some time, admiring his godly beauty. However, I still wasn't put to an ease.

"Just sleep," I mumbled, covering my eyes. "Ria said skincare doesn't work if I stay up late.. Shit, just sleep.."

I tossed, turned, and curled. Nothing. I kept on finding myself staring either at the ceiling or the bedside clock, flashing its dim, red numbers.

"No, God.."

My mouth belted a yawn but my eyes didn't feel heavy. I gave up. I slowly heaved myself out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping angel next to me. He softly grunted and turned to his side as I left. I then wore my glasses, dragged myself to the vanity, and took a hand mirror before seeing myself out in the balcony.

The city was still awake despite the late hour. Buildings standing close to each other were either black blocks in the night or radiated square lights from several windows. Streets below held a few cars speeding through since it was no longer rush hour. Engines and honks were songs to my ears as I looked up. There were no stars tonight but the moon shyly peeked behind a thin curtain of clouds.

"Nights like this," I hummed. "I remember Ria and I stargazing with our friends by the cliff at this late hour.."

A small laughter rang out of me as I reminisced the joyful memories. It wasn't long enough though that my smile faded.

"Not until I figured out they were talking behind.. Behind my back.." I quaver. "..and it was only Ria who stood up instead of leaving like they did.."

Two tears rolled down my cheeks. I looked down on the hand mirror. My reflection sadly stared back at me. The more I gaze at my glasses and messed up demeanor, the more my heart twists and my stomach churns.

"You look horrible." I spat. "There's no wonder why your friends left you. Yeah? They wouldn't like to keep a freak around the squad."

"Why can't you be like Ria? Why didn't you just listen to her advices for so long? Why did it take you years to fully understand how much of a throwaway you are unless you become pretty?!"

"You should be thankful that Taehyun had the guts to stick with you because if he weren't made to see you as a goddess, he'd fucking run away the moment you breathe on his face."

I silently sobbed. Those words I just threw hurt me. They felt like daggers stabbed all through my body. I didn't know why; I've always felt like belittling myself for it was all that I deserve. Maybe.. Maybe the problem really is in me.

"You're probably the hard-headed piece of shit who tries to stand out from the crowd by being different. You definitely deserve a place for jokes, stupid."

"Pathetic. You're just pathetic, Y/N. Your 'being different' drama won't make you feel loved. Why are you so hungry for attention? Just be like them. It's not that hard."