lucid dreams [r. lupin]

thirteen

october 9th, 1975 - great hall

Remus sighs as he takes a seat next to James at the table for dinner. He looks around, trying to find Lorelei since she usually sat with them nowadays. So he hoped that today was no exception.

"Hello boys, feels like forever since we've seen you." Dorcas Meadows sits down next to Remus, Marlene across from her. He smiles at the two girls, happy to see his other friends after a while.

"Yeah, well. Rumour has it, Remus has been too busy being Lorelei's new boyfriend to have time for us." Marlene says teasingly as she leans closer, making Remus gape at her as he gets flustered.

"Is that true? Did you and her finally get together?" Dorcas asks, her eyes wide with excitement. Remus gapes at her, unsure how to answer that question.

From the corner of his eye, he notices familiar blonde hair and he turns to see Lorelei. Their eyes meet and his heart drops, as he notices how her eyes didn't have her usual spark of happiness. A frown settled on her face as she looks at him, before turning away and walking towards where Martin was waiting for her. Remus lets out a sigh and turns back to look at Dorcas.

"No. No I didn't." Remus says with disappointment, looking down at his plate. The three boys having noticed what happened, give each other looks of worry, before glancing at their friend.

"I'm sorry, Remus. You know what... she doesn't deserve you, if she can't realise what an amazing person you are." Dorcas says softly, having noticed how sad he had become at the mention of her.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but maybe it's time to let her go." Marlene says, making Sirius' eyes widen as he shakes his head. "Sirius, you can't possibly think it's okay for him to pin over her for life?"

Remus stops paying attention to what they're saying, as he gets lost in his thoughts. Maybe Marlene was right, perhaps it was time to let go of her. It would be hard, but it would be for the best. She was clearly happy with Martin and he couldn't keep living in hope that one day, she'd come to him.

He takes a deep breath, glancing over his shoulder and searches for her presence. He finds her sitting at the Ravenclaw table, with Emily and Lesley. Martin was engaged in a conversation with other Ravenclaw students. But he noticed that Lorelei wasn't paying attention to any of that, as she played around with her fork mindlessly.

He wondered what had made her so sad, he wished he could comfort her. No. He was barely her friend, she'd find comfort in Martin. Shaking his head, he turns back to look at friends, seeing Sirius and Marlene still in a heated debate on the matter.

"Marlene is right." Remus says firmly, making the two stop arguing, they all look at him in shock. "I think it's better if I just let her go. She'd never want me anyway. Not if she knew the truth."

"Don't go there, Moony. You know that she would never judge based on that. Have you forgotten that she is one of the rare people in this school, that know what it feels not be fully accepted because of a difference." James says, reminding Remus of the many rumours and the hate she'd received for being Half Veela.

"Still. There is no point in hoping that there would ever be something between her and I." Remus sighs, making Sirius shake his head, but before he can saying anything, Marlene cuts through.

"Remus. We just want you to be happy. You don't have to do what we say. If you love her and don't want to let go. We will support you. If you do let her go. We will also support you. So just follow your heart." Marlene says softly, making him sigh.

"I don't know what my heart wants." Remus admits and Dorcas smiles softly.

"Then don't let go just yet. Wait until you know what your heart wants." Dorcas muses, before nodding in the direction where Lorelei is sitting. He glanced there once again, just in time to see Lorelei look up at him. He smiles softly and she mirrors his smile, waving at him. Her eyes seem to lighten up a bit. "I think she just needs time to realise what she feels for you."

"I agree. Lorelei probably likes you more than you think she does, but she's probably blinded by Martin." Sirius says determinedly, making Remus turn back around to look at them.

"I don't know. Maybe I should take my distance for a bit nevertheless. Just to think this through." Remus sighs and Sirius' shoulders drop.

"If that's what you want." Sirius says in defeat. After all Sirius was the first one had encouraged Remus to make a move, the first one to believe Lorelei could possibly reciprocate his feelings from the beginning.

Remus still remembers vividly how Sirius had nearly rushed out to follow Lorelei, the day Remus had first seen her. Sirius had been determined to make her know of Remus' existence and have them fall in love then, but Remus had been against it. Now, Sirius was once again certain that she'd fall in love with Remus, but he'd once again gone against the idea. It felt like history was repeating itself.