Behind Your Walls

18 | where the roads take us

The moment our lips touch, everything collapses.

I hear the groan in his throat even before he lets it out. He pulls me closer, our bodies pressing together and my heartbeats start to rise with every peck of his lips. I let him kiss me just like he had wanted to. The world dissolves to nothing and for seconds, we are the only ones existing.

Carter doesn't take much time to make our tongues move together. He tastes of cinnamon cookies and whiskey. I suddenly have the notion that perhaps cinnamon is my favorite flavor from now on. My fingers grabbing his shirt loosen and my hands move to his neck. I let my arms intertwine with each other behind the nape of his neck as his hands on my waist keep me in place.

"Am..." he utters, letting go for a second and meeting my eyes.

Our breaths are frantic as we stare at each other. The music is soft and our surroundings are dark. Standing in this corner, I doubt people can see us but I can see, hear, and feel Carter everywhere.

"Carter—"

My breath catches my throat when he kisses me again, with urgency this time, making me moan when our mouths collide.

"Don't say my name, Am," Carter whispers, leaving my mouth and letting his kisses trail down my throat. The touch of his lips is soft, burning the pit of my belly with an unfamiliar need. "It makes me want to make you mine."

It clicks. The world around us builds itself up again. My mind flashes back to a memory I don't want to remember but I do. I push Carter with enough force to make him stumble.

He blinks, his hands automatically reaching out to hold me but I move away. The music has stopped and if I am not careful enough, anyone can notice us. Carter Bell and Amaya Sommers can never be seen together.

Correction: should never be seen together.

I don't look back as I turn around and run. I don't know where I am going because the tears teasing my eyes don't allow me to see anything. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand as I push past a few people smoking at the staircase and rush up the stairs. I think I am searching for a washroom but before I can convince myself of it, someone grabs my wrist and turns me around, halting my feet to a stop.

"Amaya," Carter says, appearing confused.

His lips are swollen, red lipstick marking the corners. I think it is my red lipstick but with Carter, you can never be sure.

"I'm sorry, Carter but I can't," I say.

"Why not?"

I can hear the frustration in his voice as he lets go of my wrist and runs his hands through his hair, messing it up further.

"Carter, I'm not strong enough to kiss you and not feel anything. That's not me!"

He blinks like he is perplexed by my statement.

"Is that what you think it is? You think I don't feel anything?" he asks, taking a step forward until he has me pressed to the wall behind.

He cups my face, making me look at him.

"I know what you want from me but I can't give it to you."

"I just want to kiss you..." he says, stealing a glance at my lips. "And I want you to kiss me back. Is that too much?"

His voice is low and rough, like the voice of someone heavily drunk and possibly not in their right mind.

"I can't, Carter."

He gives an impassive frown. His hands leave my face and rest on either side of me, pressing on the wall behind me.

"Is it because of him?"