The Journal - A Short Story Collection

The Next Step

Blurriness wrapped around my vision. Every item seemed fuzzy, but it didn't last long. Soon things cleared up and I could see again, though, I wasn't sure that was accurate. Saying 'again' would imply I could see before, but I don't remember being able to see at all. It felt like the very first time.

I had to have seen before; it didn't make sense not to. I just can't remember what that was like. If it was different than how I perceived things now, or if it was the same. But with nothing to compare too, I had to accept what I could see, even what was in front of me now. And in front of me was me. My dying body laying on a hospital bed.

There were people around me, the real me. Mostly my family surrounded the bed, but a couple of my closest friends were nearby. They stood a ways back, letting my family have plenty of space. A few more bodies were just outside the room, but I couldn't tell who. Some just stood there, others walked past. I found myself following them with my eyes. I knew they were there, almost like I could sense them through the walls. Like they had energy radiating off of them.

My friends were talking to each other, but I couldn't understand anything they were saying. I couldn't remember what sound had been like when I was in my body. Everything sounded muffled, but maybe everything had always been muffled for me. Maybe I had gone partially deaf in my ears, or maybe it's different now. Either way, only hearing muffled sounds made me feel uncomfortable.

My mother cried next to my bed. Upon better look, everyone appeared to replicate it. Their saddened faces watched my motionless body. The deadened heartbeat monitor ticked away, showing my body was still alive. But here I was, outside looking in. I glanced down at the body I currently occupied, which looked identical to the one on the bed, clothes, and all. Everything except the cleaned-up wounds all over my face. I touched my cheek but couldn't feel the cuts my bedridden body showed. It made me feel anxious, unsure what was transpiring.

"It's your time," said the most elegant voice to my right. I looked over to see a woman in a dark blue suit and heels with wavy black hair. There appeared to be a blue aura around her body, yet faint. She studied me with her glowing sapphire eyes as she smiled.

"I don't understand," I told her, "Who are you?"

The woman glanced at my bedridden body and said, "It's natural to be confused during this transition. Your body is dying, and so now you must move on."

Panic rose in me from her words. The thought past through my mind already, fearing it to be true. Something wasn't right. This wasn't what I wanted, actually quite the opposite. There were still years left in me. Goals, plans, a future I wanted to see. There had to be a way out of this.

I looked into the woman's eyes, practically getting entranced in them as I stumbled over my words, "I'I can't... I'm not dying. I still have so much... I'm young, don't you see? I can't be... I-I can't be dying."

The woman nodded with a grieved look on her face. She said, "I know it's tough to accept it. It's tough for many, especially at your age. But sometimes life stops you in your tracks. Some make it. Others, like yourself, don't. When that time comes, I'm here."

"Please," I pleaded, "Please let me live. I have so much I want to do. I-I...I don't even know what happened to me."

"Memory of our death is lost on us," she replied, staring at the bed, "It's too painful to retain. Though as time goes on, all that is left of our previous life is the good memories, until even they fade, and we're left with nothing but peace. I can't tell you what happened exactly, but maybe you can recall yourself if you dig deep enough. Sometimes you can catch a glimpse of it before you pass over."

Closing my eyes, I tried to remember anything from recent events, but it was so difficult that I came up with nothing. I felt irritation in my defeat, like I was stupid for having forgotten something so significant. I cursed myself under my breath only I realized I wasn't even breathing.

"Careful now," said the woman, "You don't need air anymore. Your mind is confused but it'll adjust. Although, you can still breath like normal, you just have to relax and believe you can."

I tried to calm myself but like she said, I couldn't get over the mere fact of not breathing. Taking in a deep unneeded breath, I let out a long sigh, trying to refocus my attention back to the present.

"Don't be angry with yourself," the woman continued, "It's hard for anyone to remember. But it's time for you to take the next step."

I looked at her again after taking another deep breath, "What do you mean?"

She smiled, "You are in The Between. A place spirits go after death before they move on. You must take the next step to make it to The Otherside. But only you can make that choice."

"What's there?" I asked, "The Otherside?"

"A place of serenity perhaps," she said, winking at me, "It's not for me to say. It's for you to find out."

I scoffed, "That's reassuring. What if I don't want to go?"

"That's your choice," the woman replied as she wandered over to my bedridden body, "You can choose to stay here, amongst your family and friends. But you cannot go back into your body again. You'll forever be what you are now, a Spirit. They can't see you, but you can be with them. Some find that peaceful enough."

"Will I be allowed to change my mind later on?" I asked.

The woman shook her head, "I'm afraid not. The gateway is only open for a limited time. If you choose to pass it up, you'll never see me again."

"But eventually my family will pass too," I explained, "So they'll end up in The Otherside, but I'll be stuck here forever?"

The woman nodded, "If they choose it ... yes. But if your family continues to have children, you'll always get to see them grow up until they have children. And so on." She paused a moment before adding, "Some who stay become regretful, to say the least. You have time right now, think about your choice."

"I'm scared...I don't know what to expect," I said, pacing around.

I regarded my family's saddened faces in the room. They were in pain, very much like I was. They would continue to be in pain for who knows how long. But... one day they won't be. They'll move on and live their lives. Then they too will pass and move on. I'll be stuck here never able to see them again. Unless I go.

"I want to come with you," I told the woman, "To The Otherside."

The woman smiled at me, causing me to helplessly smile back. She stepped over to me, keeping her eyes on mine.

"Will this hurt?" I asked curiously.

The woman chuckled but shook her head, "No. Your pain is gone now. Just relax and look into my eyes."

Her hand touched my shoulder as I stared into her eyes. I listened to the muffled sound of the monitor beeping away, becoming more irregular. There seemed to be chaos in the room, but I couldn't turn my head or eyes to investigate. They were permanently fixed on the woman. Her blue aura grew brighter as it turned whiter. I felt blinded, but my eyes didn't squint or register any strain. They just accepted.

A soft scream came from my left. The sound of metal crumbling came from my right. It continued until a thunderous boom was heard. Then the monitor stopped beeping.

The white light receded. My eyes could see again, and the woman was gone. But the first thing I saw was my family, the ones who passed long ago. And I saw my boyfriend who left my world only a few years back. Completely in shock, I stepped forward to their open arms, feeling saddened and joyful at the reunion. I made it.

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