The Journal - A Short Story Collection

Cave

Pitch blackness. Eerie silence. A drop of water splashes in a puddle nearby. Then back to silence. Then another drop. One... Two... Three... Four, there it is again. Four seconds, then another. And another. And another. After every four seconds. Even though it's pitch black, I won't open my eyes, I won't.

Fear inside me, devouring me up. I can't concentrate on anything. My thoughts swarm around my mind like mosquitos out for blood. I'm struggling to ignore them, trying to think of something else. Anything that will make it okay. It will be okay.

It's not working.

They are still there. The thoughts pounding my skull, driving my body to tense. Heart pounding as if I just ran the marathon. Chest hurts slightly as an after effect. Is this a heart attack? Can't be, I've had this before, and it wasn't one then. This is all in my head. It's all in my head.

Right?

I won't open my eyes. I can't. That's where the triggers are, and enough with the triggers. I can't even breathe properly. Why am I gasping for air when all I have to do is breathe? Dammit, just breathe. Why is that so hard? Feel the forehead, check your temperature. Stop shaking. Stop shaking. Good, no fever.

My mind. Oh, my mind. It's doing somersaults, diving off buildings and cliffs, seeking to murder itself. I just want it to end. When will it end?

Focus on something else. Focus on something to draw my mind away from these thunderous thoughts. Drip. Drip. Drip. The water. Pay attention to the water. Drip. One... Two... Three... Four. Drip. One... Two... Three... Four. Drip. Deep Breath. One... Two... Three... Four. Drip. Breathe out. One... Two... Three... Four. Drip.

Okay, get under control. Get your breathing under control, if only temporarily. Just listen to the water. Take your time, Jake. Take your time. Wait... the water. Why was there water dripping? I guess there could be rain outside. It must have found its way in. At least the echo of the drips sound nice. Not too loud, but loud enough to hear a soft echo. Kind of relaxing.

I can manage this. It's such a simple thing to do. Every human in the world does it every day. Maybe not blind people, but I wouldn't know, I never met one. Regardless, it is such a simple task. Your body knows what to do, just let it. Let it happen.

Oh, why did I open my eyes?

It's completely black. I can't see anything. I have to close my eyes; I have to. I can't do this. I can't fight this panic inside me, ravaging my thoughts. Trying so fiercely to escape. I need to relax. Just a few moments to refocus myself. Count the drips, Jake. One... Two... Three... Four. Drip. One... Two... Three... Four. Drip. Listen to the water echo around me.

Open your eyes, Jake. You can do this.

Still pitch black. Not even blinking is helping. Am I blind? I can't even see my hands right in front of me. Okay, relax. Just relax. It doesn't mean you're blind. Just try to feel around. It's okay, it's okay. Everything is okay. Just feel around you. Come on, Jake. It feels like it's a cold rocky ground. So I am not dreaming. This is rock. God, I wish I was dreaming. Please... waking up in a hot sweat is ten times better than this. At least then I know it isn't real. But this is.

I just want to go home. Please...

You are kneeling, Jake, just sit down and relax. You can figure this out. Come on, I have to be able to see something. Anything? Nothing. It's complete darkness all around me. How do blind people do it? How do they live like this? Rely on my hearing? I can't. That's scary. That's dangerous. How will I know what to do if I'm attacked?