Lust, Lost & Levi||Book 2: Love, Lies and Levi

Chapter 14: "I lost her"

~NARRATOR POV

Only so few members of the scouts had returned from beyond the wall.

'They really are pathetic without me...' Levi thought to himself.

He was glad that his leg was doing much better, according to the nurse he should be good to go for the next expedition.

He watched as families ran to the oncoming scouts, looking for their loved ones.

He could hear from a distance the villagers calling out names, followed by weeping noises.

Once most of the scouts reached past the wall, he realized almost none of the military police or recruits seemed to have survived.

His eyes drifted from left to right, seeing scouts get off their horses. Nurses began to rush out to the wagons helping the injured cadets. Which included Hanjie and... and Erwin, they both hopped out, she looked completely out of sorts, holding her chest and wincing as she landed.

Levi's eyes widened as he approached Erwin, seeing he was missing an arm. Their eyes locked and he averted his gaze.

From behind, he saw Ava appear, they were all covered in blood and scars. Her eyes met his, and she immediately dropped to her knees, burying her face in her hands and she began to sob. Simon ran from behind her, along with Armin and they hugged her, trying to settle her nerves, but even they had tears lining their eyes.

Now getting closer he noticed Mikasa and Eren appear, she was holding her arm winicing as a nurse took her and guided her to the infirmary, her eyes locked on his and with her scarf, she pulled it up to cover her face more.

Now only a meter away from them, multiple nurses ran to Erwin, guiding him away, he paused and watched as Erwin didn't look back. He could faintly hear Ava weep, "I- Sor-" she wept again. He couldn't hear her properly. "I'm sorry.... Levi. I'm sorry!" She shouted.

He suddenly felt a heavy weight on his chest and he knew something had gone wrong.

Something had gone wrong with (Y/n).

He looked up and could not see her in sight. She would have been by Ava's side, or Erwins...

Where is (y/n)?

Everyone watched as he began to look around frantically, but he paused as someone spoke to him.

"(Y/n), she... uh-" Simon began, but couldn't finish as his eyes began to tear up again.

"No." He cut him off. "No. No. You're lying." He growled.

"Captain," Armin started, his voice shaking, "we tried to-"

"SHE WENT BACK FOR THEM!" Ava screamed out. "WE WERE ORDERED TO FALL BACK! BUT SOME OF THE RECRUITS DIDN'T LISTEN!" Ava now stood from the ground to look at him. "They went in to attack but 7 other titans came out of nowhere. That's when I saw (Y/n) go back to save them. But I never saw her come back out..." she looked down at her feet. He could hear her voice start to break again.

Eight. Eight Titans were out there. She was facing 8 of them practically on her own.

"No. She could have survived that. I've seen her take on many titans at the same time. She could have done it. She could have killed them all." Levi tried to state, more to himself to reassure that she was alive. "She might still be out there." He said.

They all looked at him, in shock. Like he was crazy or something.

But he was convinced (Y/n) wasn't dead.

He knows how strong she is. She can't be dead.

"Captain..."

"What?!" He snapped to see Ekho, now appearing from behind Ava, who jumped back from his response.

"She saved... so many lives today." He started. "More than you could imagine... including mine."

Levi frowned at him... at all of them.

"You're all such idiots! She isn't dead!"

"Levi-"

"No!" He cut Ava off, "My wife is not dead!"

They all were taken aback, they all swore they heard his voice crack.

"Levi..." Ava started, but her tears stopped her from continuing.

Levi grew frustrated, 'Why is she still...?' he thought to himself. 'WHY IS SHE STILL FUCKING CRYING.'

He ran up to her and grabbed her wrists and started shaking her violently. "WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!" He snapped, still shaking her, she closed her eyes, wincing at the pain he was causing.

"Levi!" Ekho tried to interfere but he pushed him away with one of his hands.

"STOP CRYING AVA! STOP FUCKING CRYING!" He yelled... his voice cracking even more.

A strong arm now pulled him off of Ava, and she fell to the ground, Armin and Ekho bent down next to her. "SHE'S NOT DEAD!" He screamed at them.

He looked up to see Athen dragging him away to the Mess Hall. "Let go of me!" He ordered, trying to push him off, but his grasp only tightened.

Now in the mess hall, Athen let Levi go, causing him to stumble back a bit. "Get out of my way, i'm going to get a search party tonight, we have to find her!" He tried to push past him, but Athen gripped his elbow tightly, pulling him back.

His face was emotionless. Not a single tear in sight.

"We don't do search parties for dead bodies, Levi." He said coldly.

At first Levi was in shock at how her brother was reacting to this, why was he saying such a thing?

Why wasn't he crying?

Levi growled and slammed his fist against one of the benches, breaking it in half. "She's not dead you idiot!" He then kicked the table, breaking a piece of it off.

Athen said nothing, he just stared.

"And why are you so fucking... so fucking okay?!" He snapped at the emotionless Athen.

"Because..." He trailed off and sat in one of the benches. "That girl... was the only reason I felt anything... my sister was the only reason I wanted to live and feel each day." He finally started to realize what was happening and droplets of tears now fell from his eyes. "She was the reason I wanted to stay alive... but now, I lost her... and I- I have nothing left to live for."

Levi's hand balled into fists... "She. is. Not. dead." He said sternly.

"Yes she is..." Athen's voice cracked... "Levi, she died doing her duty, to protect and fight against the titans, she did everything she could to protect Eren and to ensure his safe return." He added, almost as to reassure himself that she did not die for no reason.

Eren... She died for Eren...

Levi groaned out as he kicked the table again, and began to punch at whatever he could, whatever was in his way.

"Levi!" Athen now stood and tried to stop him, but he was too weak.

"Humanity is fucked now!" Levi shouted as he punched again. "The scouts had lost one of their best fighters!" He kicked. "We're fucked!" He punched again, his hands bleeding. "I'm fucked!" and he continued to kick and punch and kick and punch, over and over and over again, until he started to feel myself weaken, suddenly getting.... Tired...

He dropped to his knees, with Athen looking down at him. "She can't be gone." he shuddered.

The mess hall was completely destroyed.. He had broken almost everything, all the benches snapped, half the tables split and the other half flipped over.

'I lost it.' he thought to himself... a tear now escaping the corner of his eye.

'I lost her.'

A/N: helllo :(((( this was sad to write I won't lie!

I'll update as soon as I finish the next chapter..

I love you all and I hope you (didnt) enjoy!!

-Jules