Hewwo it's me again. So I was going through my older Google Docs and found some things I wrote when I was feeling super down a while ago (because that's when ✨emotions✨ happen). I found one that I think is decent and I feel comfortable sharing it. So yeah, it's right below this. Go ahead and read it if you'd like.
How are you?
At first glance this doesn't seem like a difficult question
The spectrum of emotions that comes free with the human language includes a free pamphlet of different words to describe how you are currently feeling
With such a wide variety it shouldn't be hard to pick one
Right?
But what if you flip through that pamphlet over and over and find that you cannot relate to a single one
The absence of emotions is a dark feeling that curls and twists in the pit of your stomach
You want it to leave you alone
But it doesn't
It never does
How are you?
I'm good
I'm fine
I'm doing well
These are the phrases that we set on default
The ones guaranteed to get the questioner off your case
Even though that's not what you really want
No
You want someone to stare through that tiny chink in your mask
The one you've spent years perfecting so that everyone believes you're okay
You want someone to look past that mask, stare into your eyes, and tell you
No, you are not alright
How are you?
I'm fi-
Wait, no I'm not
I'm wishing I could ask you for help
I'm hoping that one day my vocal cords will function long enough for me to utter three words
I'm not okay
I'm praying that soon I'll wake up feeling something
Even though I know it won't happen
Because I am scared
There is no reason to be
No valid one at least
What am I scared of, you ask
Uh well, bugs
And talking to new people
Balloons when they pop
Oh, that's not what you meant
I suppose there are other things as well
Being alone.
Having absolutely no one in my life to help ground me
Not having control.
Accepting that I cannot stroll down an aisle of life choices at the supermarket and toss the most appealing ones into my cart
Being forgotten.
Having my existence remembered by a few people who are still alive after I'm gone but in the end not making the cut to remain significant in their memories
Death
Not necessarily death itself, more like what comes after it
That is something I truly cannot control
I have no power over what happens after
There it is. I don't know if it was finished but I didn't want to change anything. Also, if you relate to any of this, hopefully it makes you feel a bit less alone. That's the main reason I'm sharing this. Sometimes knowing that others feel and think the same way you do shows that there are people out there that understand you.
I love you guys, make sure to take care of yourself!
Sincerely,
Aero 🧡🖤💚
YOU ARE READING
My Journal or Whatever
RandomThis is just a place for me to talk about my life. You can ignore it, it won't be that interesting or important. But if you choose to read it then go ahead, I don't mind. That's all, I hope you have a great day! 🙂 Also, all credit goes to the arti...
