My Journal or Whatever

One of Those Days

Hey y'all,

I'm having another one of those days again so I'm gonna write here.

I honestly don't even know what's wrong. Nothing is wrong. But I feel like shit.

I'm not even sure what triggered it, but today I was really anxious and numb. I still am.

My mind is a mess as usual. The best way I can describe it is it's like my head's filled with static. I can't ever grasp at a single thought. But at the same time it feels empty.

Also there's been a lot of self doubt and insecurities. I'm not sure if you can consider it a voice in my head, it's just me talking to myself (not in a positive way).

But my family's always around so I have to act like I'm fine. Which has gotten easier. When I'm around them I'm able to push the thoughts and feelings to the side, though I can still feel them.

I don't know. I just hate this feeling so much. It's like I'm stuck in a grey zone and no one can pull me out.

I'm not sure what else to write here. I just feel so useless. I feel like I'm not good enough or worth anything. And I wanna change that, but at the same time I just can't find the motivation to do anything.

And it makes me feel like I'm just being lazy. I know nothing changes by itself, you have to work for it. But it just seems impossible.

And pointless.

No one will care anyway so what's the point?

I just want some fucking relief! It feels so empty and I just want it to go away.

Like I've said before I'm not sure if this is a mental issue or just a part of being a teen with all the hormones and shit. Is it normal to feel like this?!

I have other things I want to say but I can't find the words to write them so I'll stop here...

Hopefully I feel better tomorrow but who knows.

I appreciate you!
AJ🧡🖤💚