This is a message
To everyone I care about:
To everyone I care about
You probably can't tell
But I don't know what to feel anymore
Happiness is the only card I remember how to play
Irritation follows me, poisoning my mind wherever I go
Loneliness haunts me from somewhere in the dark
Reminding me that although I am not alone I still feel so hopelessly alone
And I'm just so done with everything
I don't even know if this is a mask I bare or not
A mask that has been secured to my face with the fear and confusion I have the overwhelming desire to hide from the world
Even when I am alone I cannot be free
My mind holds me prisoner shouting
You are not weak
Little wimp keep your head up
People expect you to be strong
You are not allowed to cry because that is not who you are
Correction
That is not who I am now
Oh how I wish I could turn back time to when I was younger
Not because I could live carefree
Where my only worries were the upcoming spelling test and not getting to play with my friends
No
I want to go back because that was when I wasn't afraid to cry
Because I just want to cry
I want to release these emotions that have been steadily building up and creating a nuclear bomb that feels like it'll burst at any given moment
I want to scream at the ones I love saying I am not who you think I am
I am a machine that's missing multiple screws but is still forced to continue operating at full speed
And although shakey I feel the pressure to push forward
To keep up this presentation to the world that I am FINE
Even though I am not fine
I am not anything
Because I cannot recognize who I am
I am lost
Confused
Lonely
Enjoying life and being happy by day
But sometimes at night I sit on my bed pulling on my hair and wanting to scream
Wanting to let out a gut wrenching sob and tell myself it is okay to cry
That it does not make you weak
I know I should tell someone
To get some help from a person that I trust
But every time I open my mouth it's like fear stops me from speaking
Fear of what
I don't know
But I wish I did
To everyone that I care about
I wish I could tell you this in person
But I am weak
I am afraid
I am lost and don't want you to wander aimlessly while trying to find me
So I will continue to try and find myself
Although I don't even know who I am looking for
AJ🧡🖤💚
YOU ARE READING
My Journal or Whatever
RandomThis is just a place for me to talk about my life. You can ignore it, it won't be that interesting or important. But if you choose to read it then go ahead, I don't mind. That's all, I hope you have a great day! 🙂 Also, all credit goes to the arti...
