Inspirational poems

Its not that...

It's not that I don't want to be happy
It's that despite how hard I try
I can't bring myself to be happy
I feel..
Suffocated,
Embarrassed
Ashamed
Why did I have to be this way?
I have a great family
Amazing friends
Good academic results,
On paper everything is ok
Yet all I ever happen to see is sadness and gray
It like there's this burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard you try I can't bring Myself out
I can't bring myself care
About anything
Not me
Not him
Not her
Living has become this constant nightmare
And it's just not fair.
Society will tell me to try yoga
Go for a walk
Listen to meditation
I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or meditation
It's a disease that affects every aspect of my life
My work, my friendships, my education
And to this day
Despite my efforts to explain
I am always met with blind hesitation
People ask me..
"Why are you always so sad!"
I tell them I don't know
I don't know
What I do know
Is that I wake up every morning
Feeling the absolute worst
And now that's become my norm
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid of putting my guard down
In fear that I will be judged
For something that I cannot control
Where's the fairness of it all?
Do you think I like to watch myself fall?
Into this hole of self hate, shame, or loathe?
So I hide them
And I put up a wall
That's so high
You will never see my pain
Or any of my flaws
I create this character
And she is perfect
She's invincible
So perfect that my family believes it
They believe me when I say I'm fine
They believe me when I say I'm ok
They believe that I'm happy
And so I carry on living these two lives
One for the public
And one just for me late at night
Cause that's easier than just admitting I have a problem
And that's the problem
The stigma is real people
And It will not go away until we realize
That mental health IS a big deal
It's a hidden disease that's affecting so many lives
Wake up and listen to the silent cries
It's a kid who never speaks
Or the one that's always tired
The one who's too emotional
The one who just got fired
Cause they were absent a lot
They couldn't get themselves out of bed
Due to their mental health
Unless their parents went in and told them they had too
But do you think their friends family or colleagues knew that?
Of course not
Depression is the hell inside of me
As it eats me up daily

Many say to me.... be happy but it's not that easy
Many say to me if something bothers me
I should talk about it
But no one's ready to be there when you really need it
I just wish it was so simple
That you just could talk
It doesn't just "Go away"
When you ask for it!