Inspirational poems

Mom

My depression is a shapeshifter
One day it is as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear

And the next it's the bear
On those days
I play dead until the bear leaves me alone

I call the bad days "the dark days"
Mom says, "you'll be ok"

Will I?
When I see a candle I see the flesh of a church
The flicker of a flame

Sparks of a memory younger than noon
I am standing beside her open casket

It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know. Will someday die!

Besides mom... I'm not afraid of the dark.

Perhaps that's part of the problem
Mom says,"I though the problem was that you can't get out of bed?"
I can't!

Anxiety holds me hostage inside
Of my house! Inside of my head!

Mom says," where did the anxiety come from?"
Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town

That depression felt obligated to invite to the party
Mom.. I am the party!

Only I am a party I don't want to be at
Mom says,"why don't you try going to sleep earlier?"

"Or see your friends?"
Sure I make plans I talk to them

But I make plans and I call when I don't want to
I make plans because I know I should want to
I know...

Sometimes I would have wanted to call and make plans....

It's just not that much fun having fun
When you don't want to have fun mom

You see ,mom, each night
Insomnia sweeps me up in his arms
Dips me in the kitchen in the small glow
Of the stove light

Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company

Mom says,"try closing your eyes"

But my eyes can only count reasons to stay awake
So I walk around my room

But my stuttering knee caps
Clank like silver spoons

Held in strong arms
With loose wrists

They ring in my ears
Like clumsy church bells

Reminding me I'm sleepwalking
On an ocean of happiness

I can not baptize myself in
Mom says,"You're happy all the time?"

But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg
My happy is a high fever that will break

Mom says I am so good at making something out of nothing
And then flat out asks me if I am afraid of dying

No! I am afraid of living!
Mom I am lonely!

I think I learned that when I was 6
How to turn the anger into lonely
The lonely into busy

So when I tell you I've been super busy lately
I mean I've been falling asleep watching
Sports on the couch to avoid confronting the empty side of my bed

But my depression always drags me back to my bed
Until my bones are the forgotten fossils
Of a skeleton sunken city

My mouth a boneyard of teeth
Broken from biting down on themselves

The hollow auditorium of my chest
SWOONS with echoes
Of a heartbeat
But I am just a careless tourist here

I will never truly know everywhere I've been
Mom still Doesn't understand
Mom can't you see!
That's neither can I!