No, I'm Just Delusional (Phan) RE-WRITE IN PROCESS

Only Fooling Myself

Phil -

I was in the forest. It was cold and dark and I only had my skinny jeans and my poke-a-dot shirt on, no shoes. I felt the snow under my feet and the wind in my ears. I closed my eyes and was suddenly aware of someone calling my name. 'PHIL' they screamed. It was a guy. Silence follows. I know that voice. I know that guy. He sure as hell hates me. But I say hate is a big word. I hate John. I do, I hate him. However I do not hate Dan. He is his own person. I am mine. Even though he bullies me I do not hate him.

Another nightmare. Though it isn't like the others. My body I aching and I think my nose is broken. I try to open my eyes but the refuse. After about ten minutes of trying and failing, I manage to get my eyes to function. As I look around and take in my surroundings I realise I'm in a hospital. I jolt up, my aching limbs protesting. 'I can't be here.' I panic. 'It costs too much!' I begin to get out of the bed. As I uneasily land on my feet and nurse comes in and starts fussing. “No, no, you must rest, you have mild bruising and a broken nose.” she fusses. She looks about fifty and has a bored expression on her face. What I was used to.

She guides be back under the covers. “No, I can not be here, my family can not afford it.” She just shakes her head and replies with “Don't worry, all your costs have been paid for. Phil? It is Phil right?” I nod. 'Who would pay for ME?' I think and am suddenly very tired.

Go, on you must rest, you can leave later on.” I closed my eyes and let unconsciousness take me.

I awake again, still feeling the affects of the morphine the nurse no doubt gave me in my sleep. After awhile the same nurse comes in and tells me I can leave. She gives my a bottle of pills and gives me instructions on when to take them. She walks over to her desk outside my room. I put my ratty old sneakers on walk up to her, standing awkwardly with my arms by my side. She finally notices me and asks what I want. “Umm, well I was just wondering who 'took care' of the, umm, costs?” She smiles at my nervousness.

“A boy came in with you early this morning, I don't know his name but he had brown hair in the same style as yours just a bit shorter. Hmm yes, he took care of your costs.” She waves good-bye and I walk out of the hospital.

When I get outside it is dark, but I'm not scared. I need to go home but I don't want to and so I walk to the nearest park that just so happened to be a few streets down from the housing complex.

'No.' I tell myself, 'You'r delusional.' All though I kept repeating the same thing I can't shake the feeling that I was right. That it was my worst enemy, but why, why was the question. I walk over to the swing and think. I began to think that the nurse probably just got confused, but no what she said was clear in my mind and I knew I was only fooling myself.

I sat on the swing and am confronted by the feeling that I am being watched. I pull my hood up and start pushing myself on the swing. I'm not going that high when I hear footsteps. I stop the swing and turn around. I see a figure coming towards me. I'm not scared, just apprehensive.

As the figure gets closer I can make out it is definitely a guy who is about my height and fit the description 'No, it couldn't be.'

He'd come to finish the job. Or, give me answers.