Chapter Twenty Three

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• Chapter Twenty Three • 

        "Mum I'm fine. He just needs to figure some things out." I tried to assure her. I tried to assure myself. Deep down I was scared to death that when he was working these things out, I wasn't excluded from the plan. 

        I could feel him looking at me as I spoke into the phone. When I glanced at him, he immediately averted his gaze and pretended to look busy. What was he thinking? I wish I knew. Some days, I can see in his eyes that he wants to tell me something, but then shakes his head and walks away. This wasn't us. We weren't that couple who gave up just because it got hard. "You know Noel, you can come home." She began to say but I groaned. I couldn't leave. I just can't bring myself to leaving him.

        "Noel, you cannot stay if he doesn't-" She tried again but I blurted out that I love him which quietened her for a moment. "You love him?" She asked, the uncertainty laced around her words. I felt foolish but I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. 

        Last night, I sat down in front of the mirror and forcefully recited, "I do not love him." The words sounded wrong and tasted like metal. I cried helplessly. I was carrying on as though I had been shot, as if I knew real pain, when I was just another girl suffering from heartbreak. "Does he know that you love him, Noel?" She asked quietly, unsure of what to say.

        "Yes and he loves me back that's why this is so hard. It hardly makes sense. You're supposed to break up with someone because you don't love them, not because you're in love with them." I sat down limply and bit back the tears threatening at the brim of my eye. My mother sighed. "Noel, hunny. Why don't you just tell him how you feel again. He's probably just afraid. He needs you now more than ever," she paused. "If you need anything, I'm just a phone call away." She promised.

        "I know, thanks mum."

         After hanging up, Paul bundled us into a group. "We have all been working hard, admittedly some of us are worn out. But we're in Philadelphia, the home of the Liberty bell and the Independence Hall, so let's have some fun and then have a cracker of a show tonight." Niall's eyes were wide with excitement and suggested we take the black cars with the tinted windows. Harry, Zayn and Louis took the first car and Liam, Niall and I travelled in the second.

         Niall tossed me a sympathetic look every now and then when he was in discussion with Liam, while my head just rested against the window as I tried to flush out the negative thoughts. I have felt sick to my stomach, these past few days and incredibly off as though I were weak and terribly clumsy. A sharp ring, trilled through the car and I noticed it was my phone. I received strangely, a new message from Brandon.

        Brandon: Noel, have you seen the news yet?

        Noel: News? Not recently. 

        Brandon: Noel, I'm so sorry. Just read the latest articles on Harry. It will explain.

        My hands were trembling as I attempted to open the articles on the internet. The seconds that went by felt like minutes as I waited for the pages to load. Then I saw it. It didn't make sense. While I was falling a part last night, like I had every other night, he was on a date? How could he move on so quickly? I thought we meant something to each other. I thought he loved me? 

        I didn't recognize who she was but the pair looked quite comfortable with each other, hands hidden, shying away from the camera. Journalists pondered the questions: What happened to Miss Noel Springs? Was the break up silent? Was it mutual? Was Harry cheating? 

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