❗✴ I WILL ADMIT, my writing in this was good, along with the original plot idea. BUT I completely regret not planning this story out properly before starting it. I may rewrite it, I may not. I had an idea to a certain point, but after that I was spi...
Hello to all my readers. Sorry if this runs a bit long but I feel it's something I need to say.
Its been a while since I've updated, and I know that can come off very annoying to you all. The thing is, I have many things going on in my personal life outside of Wattpad considering I'm a Senior High student in a world changing quickly and chaotically beyond anyone in histories wildest dreams.
I would never say that anyone reading my stories is required to follow me or has to follow with the updates on my personal page BUT if you did, some of you would know that this week alone Ive been snowed in, lost power completely most of the week, and been struggling to keep my most prized and loved animals alive in the coldest weather my family has seen in 10 years. I had to watch my favorite fish slowly freeze to death after having been there with my older sister to breed the parents and raise if from birth.
Iced roads and inexperienced drivers of Texas forced me and my family to stay in our home on top of the damned pandemic, so I've only willingly been able to leave the house once this week to see my friends. Even that ended in disaster seeing as I had a controlled anxiety attack because I cursed loudly when I fell and didn't realise the family of a friend of mine would be there. The first word they heard from a close friend of their son for years is fuck. Ive been struggling with my social anxiety and depression for the past 2 months but for once single day I was able to push that into a closet in my mind and spend a few hours with friends just being myself and not feeling any of that. In a single moment everything I pushed back came crashing down like a tsunami around me, a blanket of darkness over my mind. That night I had 2 huge panic attacks one after the other, flushing my body with stress hormones and causing what my friend called a "stress induced" cold. My entire body hurts but mostly my lungs, throat and stomach from the hyperventilating I had trouble controlling.
My point is - I'm aware its been a while since I've made an update to the story, and usually seeing comments like "Update please!" Or "I love the story, can't wait for the next update!" spur me to write and bring me the joy I need to find some sort of inspiration to do something productive with this. The fact of the matter is that I've lost my spark in this story. I've lost where I was going with this and why I even felt like writing in the first place. It's been a long time since I've felt genuinely okay and my work is definitely paying for it.
The only thing that keeps me writing anymore is seeing the kindness of my readers and the joy people get from seeing my story or a funny moment I thought of. That - and the fact that as a reader myself, what I hate the most is a story that people genuinely like going dormant and abandoned. I would never do that to you all. No matter how long it takes me, I will update eventually. Because I love all of you more than myself. No matter how I feel about myself, I can look to all of you and find some kind of happiness and pride.
So please. Have Patience and Compassion. Because no matter how long it takes me, I love you all too much to leave you. This story is my safe space where I can make all the happy I ever want and need.
Lets take a moment to remember Cobalt and his guppy friends. RIP lovely, I'm sorry I couldn't do more to help.
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Some will say he was just a fish, but he was always more than that to me. He had a sweet personality and always recognized mirrored my movements or watched me do my school work since his tank is on my desk. Cobalt was shy but sweet, sometimes trying to join the guppies when they played. I loved him.
