So Far Away (The Rev, Zacky Vengeance & Avenged Sevenfold)

VI

You can do this, Ska. I told myself as I walked towards the iron-wrought gates. I ran my fingers along the brick walls and the mounted words- Good Shepherd Cemetery. I pushed open the gates and took a step into the well-maintained and green cemetery. It was quiet and there were some visitors around the whole area. I went over to Jimmy’s lot after searching for about 5 minutes and I felt tears pooling in my eyes. I knelt down beside his grave and closed my eyes. I offered a prayer to Jimmy and sat fully on the ground. I crossed my legs as tears flowed rapidly down my cheeks. I wiped my tears with the sleeves of my trenchcoat and ran my fingers along the engraved words on the headstone.

Beloved son, Brother, Best Friend

James Owen Sullivan

1981 - 2009

Jimmy jumped into life

and never touched bottom

 

“Hey Jimmy, Scarlett here. Scarlett Itchy Hands, remember? It’s been a while since we first met, six years ago, wasn’t it? I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you first checked in. I guess I wasn’t ready. But I am here now and I miss you. I miss you a whole lot,”

The tears from my eyes continued to flow as I attempted to wipe them off with my sleeves in vain. However hard I tried, I just could not contain my sadness. I just could not.

“Jimmy, do you remember telling me that you believed in me? In the note you wrote me? Well, that kept me going. It brought me to where I am now. I’ve opened up my very own recording studio and am working towards being as awesome as my dad. You know, there are many talented musicians out there and I’m glad I get to help them showcase their talent to the world. There are a lot of drummers as well but really, none of them can even compare to you. None of them could make me feel what I felt years ago. None of them was special like you.”

I looked around me to find an empty cemetery. The sun has fully set and the only lights available were the street lights and the lamp posts around the cemetery. The tears on my face have dried up but I was talking in a nasal-like voice now. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. I breathed hard and continued.

“Avenged Sevenfold have done great throughout the years and they’ll be on tour next year. They’re going to have a concert in London and guess who’s in-charge? Yup, Jimmy, it’s me. Just like my dad did six years ago. Since the Christmas via Skype, I have been practicing and improving my drumming skills, just to show you since I owed you one. But I will never get the chance to. You’ll never be able to tease me or tell me what you think of me playing. Sometimes, I just hope that your departure was  a nightmare I could wake up from. I was beyond devastated when Dad broke the news to me. You, leaving us forever  was difficult for me to accept but I will, eventually. Dad has always talked about you. He said he has never met such a great drummer at a young age. I couldn’t help but to agree. He sent his regards and wished you rest in peace.”

As much as I tried to control my emotions, I failed and tears began to flow more rapidly this time. I was a sobbing mess. It was hard for me to breathe so I let my legs free. I took in the night air wholly and composed my breathing. There were still a lot more that I wanted to say to my beloved Jimmy. I regained my composure and carried on.

“Jimmy, sometimes I honestly want to believe that you’re still here with us. I yearn to see that beautiful face of yours erupt in laughter. I long to hear your wacky voice and my heart aches for your love and care. Tomorrow marks the 5th year ever since your departure. I came here along with my best buddies and my cousins and we will all be here to see you. They never knew you personally but they loved you equally. Jimmy, you’ll always be my first love. You’ll forever be the one who stole my heartbeat. I love you so much, James Owen Sullivan. Till we meet again,”

 

The tears continued to flow and I shut my eyes tightly. I offered another prayer for Jimmy and sobbed in silence. I was wiping the tears away from my face with my sleeves when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped slightly and quickly got on my feet.