Hocus Pocus // T. Stark

XXIII

!Caution: possible triggers (nothing too bad, I think, but check the comment next to this text for more information if you are sensitive to certain things, once again it's nothing too bad but you can't be careful enough, right? Be aware that the comment may contain 'spoilers' for events in this chapter.) Stay safe everyone :)

Alone in Azkaban. She can do this. She's an independent woman. She was used to being alone, so it wasn't something totally new. If Sirius could stay in Azkaban for 12 years and stay (relatively) sane than she can do it for 5 days. Maybe she could learn from it. Experiencing it first hand could give her perspective and who knows maybe she would think twice before sending someone here for a smaller crime.

Oh, who is she kidding? This bloody sucks.

Even if she were to get out, the chances that she would get her job back were unlikely. Her eyes become glassy but she shakes herself out of the negative thoughts. The dementors were starting to get to her already. 

Well, already might not be the right word for it. She didn't now how long she had been there. How much time had passed? It felt as if weeks had gone by already. But that couldn't be right, she only needed to stay in here for 5 days, right? ..right? Or was it 15 days? Maybe 5 weeks? No, it were 5 days, she was certain. Why would she have carved a '5' on the ground otherwise? 

The air outside was constantly gloomy giving her no way to know how much time has passed. The events from before coming to Azkaban felt as if they had happened forever ago. She even catches herself forgetting things. Maybe the 5 on the ground was her way to track the days that have already past. So that would mean that she would be let out today. She feels something on her face move but finds nothing as she wipes over it with her hand. It wasn't until she felt her teeth that she realized that she was smiling. It was sad to think how foreign it felt.

She didn't mind, nothing could ruin her mood now. She was getting out today. Unless... unless they moved the court date. Or if they decided on her fate without her being present. What if she already went to the court and just didn't remember it? 

No, that can't be right. She would certainly remember it if they would have declared her guilty. It wouldn't have been a happy memory, so she couldn't have forgotten it. She reaches beside her and squeezes the plastic bottle laying there. The water bottle meets her lips but just like the other twenty times that she checked, it was still empty. Amelia uses her hands to cage around her head. She was going crazy. It didn't matter how long she had been here, the dementors were getting to her anyways. 

It was a funny thing actually, how they worked. They feed on happy memories until only the worst stay and slowly drive the person to insanity. The thought of going insane makes the person think of happier thoughts without them even noticing. It's a continuous loop. Bad thoughts lead to happy thoughts which leads to the dementors taking those away and that circle repeats itself again and again until there was nothing left.

She remembers the talks with Sirius, when they used to sit together late at night in the grimmauld living room. It wasn't often that the subject of Azkaban was brought up, but when it did Amelia would be listening closely. Very rarely she brought it up herself.

"How did you do it?"

Sirius peers up from staring into the fireplace, "Hmm?"

"How did you stay sane over there?"

The man didn't need to ask where she meant. He stays quiet and Amelia immediately wanted to take her question back. She had always been too curious for her own good. The witch hadn't expected a reply but after a long time of silence the man spoke, "I kept telling myself that I was innocent."