Cold At Dusk

Fifty Five

Maka restlessly walked from one end to the other in the hospital's reception. The sound of her heels clicking with the tiles were angry just as the clenching of her fists were. She threw a glance at where Kamsi's stepmother sat getting consoled in the arms of her husband. She allowed her eyes to rest on Mark's bowed bald head.

Mark must have felt the heat of the glare; he looked up. He just stared ahead of him then met Maka's eyes. His stare did not match her glare. He just stared with no emotion but pain.

Maka was tempted to wave or smile comfortingly at him but she looked away and walked towards the bench Michelle sat on.

"Are you okay?" Michelle asked as she lowered herself beside her.

Maka tilted her head to access the other woman. They both smiled and stared in silence.

Maka sighed, looking around the large hall. "What of Joseph?"

"He went to bring the kids from the school. "

Maka nodded, looking around again. Not satisfied with just sitting, she stood and began to walk around the hall with arms folded across her chest.

After she waited to see the results of her bar exam, this was the second time she was waiting for something and praying for it, still forcing herself not to cry.

"I thought someone should have come out to tell us we can go in to see her?" She asked, looking at Kamsi's parents.

The Vicar patted his wife's arm while addressing Maka, "Let's be patient."

Maka looked away. Calmness was alien. She did not know where others got theirs from. After raising her voice when Okechukwu came out, it was hard to introduce calmness to her body.

An hour earlier, everyone had watched in apprehension as Okechukwu approached. He kept a straight face and Maka searched that face for any clue before he spoke.

"She's awake," he said.

Relief washed their faces and a moment of embracing, singing, dancing, passed. He waited patiently then he said, "The baby did not make it."

The smiles vanished, replaced by a sad, resigned nodding of the head. Some sniffing and people like Genevieve who tried to cry noiselessly but it was hard so she buried her face, pressing her lips against the suit of her husband, shaking in tears while the husband patted her back.

"Can we see her? " Maka asked quietly.

Okechukwu's smile was very small as he replied, "soon. She's a bit weak now."

Mark was different. His eyes were lifeless but Maka walked up and jabbed his chest, screaming all the curses she knew. He was unresponsive but Maka continued sharing her pain violently with him until Michelle pulled her away and into her arms.

She slipped to the floor instead unable to hold herself together. Michelle knelt in front of her, holding her. Even though she cried, She supported the other woman until her wails reduced to just sniffing.

The calm was restored to the environment once more. Maka put her emotions together then walked to where Mark was seated. Everyone became alert, thinking she was about to start another fight. But she sat beside Mark who had been warily looking at her.

"Maybe you should ask one of the nurses for an update," she suggested to him.

He shook his head. "She would be fine."

She nodded and looked away, fighting back her tears. She knew her best friend would be fine but she just wanted an update on the progress - she wanted to be there with her. She had gone through so much alone and she did not deserve to be alone at a moment like that.

Mark kept his eyes on his shoes allowing the universe to put the weight of the world on his shoulders until a tear rolled down. He wiped it away, still staring at the floor.

Joseph came in with his kids. He dumped them with Michelle before hurrying to where Mark sat. Maka stood and walked to another angle of the large hall.

"How far?" Joseph asked, settling beside him.

"We're waiting to see her."

The nurses that were on duty had been changed. There were new faces at the reception desk. It was already past work hours.

Mark cupped his face and sighed noisily. Being a man only got harder by the second. It was getting difficult - keeping in all the pain, fears and regrets. It was getting difficult not to do more than stare. He was trying to be strong but it seemed, his gasoline was running out.

Before he looked up, Okechukwu was standing with Kamsi's parents. He stood up the same time Joseph stood and began hurrying over to them.

An ear piercing wail gave away the suspense, betraying the silence. Mark stopped in his tracks and just stared. Genevieve was on the floor being tended to by her husband.

The clouds had closed in. He did not need to be told. Emotions choked him. He struggled and struggled but let out a wail at last as the heaviness pulled him to the ground in surrender.

He stood up suddenly and rushed Okechukwu into the wall. "I told you not to operate on her!"

"I'm sorry for your loss," the doctor said calmly.

Something about that apology made him release the first punch on Okechukwu's face. He pushed Mark off but he only came charging back more energised by guilt, grief and anger.

Hands pulled him away from the doctor and he walked away now crying with no shame. He sat on the floor in a corner, his soulless eyes just staring while tears pooled and rained down.

Joseph wrapped Michelle in his arms while trying to also keep the babies in place. The babies were crying even without knowing what death was. The mournful solemnity of the place had overtaken even the smallest minds.

Nothing made sense anymore to Maka. She sat in a corner and her body quaked without control as she cried. She was not particularly confronting the sudden loss; She could not understand it. All her friend ever wanted to do was to be strong for her baby. Why would she give up?

People expressed grief in different ways. Some people were silent, some people passed out but Mark's own had been to vent physically. He was done venting but the loss was still there, irreparable and unreplaceable. Now in place of what he had, is a void that runs as deep as infinity and sins bigger than he could ever atone.

*********

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