Cold At Dusk

Forty Eight

Kamsi got to work and joined the crowd gathered in front of an office. She leaned on the closest wall as she waited for her turn to sign her attendance.

Madam Ireti came out, on sighting her she said, "I don sign for you "

"Thank you, ma. Thank you so much " Kamsi showered as they walked to the office.

"You didn't come with your husband ?" Madam Ireti asked.

"No"

"I saw him infront of Ndu's office "

Kamsi nodded, understanding being very far. Mark had rushed out that morning saying he had an appointment. He even refused to eat breakfast because he was in so much hurry. She had written the promotion exam last week and even with that, she could not see why Mark would be at her work place.

She sat down on a bench for a while in her office but was not at rest so she rose to go to Mr Ndu's office. It was a different bungalow not far from where her office was located.

Mr Ndu rose to give her a side hug which she reciprocated as her eyes scanned the outside through a window for a sign of Mark incase she had missed him while coming in. Mr Ndu told stories but she was not interested. She was waiting to see if a certain man on bald with grown beards would walk out from the adjoining door that should lead to the convenience.

Awkwardly she laughed at Mr Ndu's jokes. She didn't know the right way to find out why her husband was at her work place. She arranged her bag, adjusted in her seat.

"My husband, I thought he was still around " She said, smiling too broadly.

"You are very secretive o. Congratulations, anyway. " He said with a shrug then patted her hand.

Kamsi raised an eyebrow but said nothing as Mr Ndu continued, saying the reason for his congratulatory message. Her mouth almost hung open at such fabrications that her husband had weaved so perfectly. Tears stung her eyes but she said nothing, did nothing not even to cry when her heart bled and she wondered what she married.

After work, she thought of going home. She did not want to but she needed to. She could not let Kelechi who had come to visit see the imperfections in her marriage.

Mark's car was already in the garage when she drove in. The front door was open so she let herself in. She stood behind Mark who was facing the television, staring at his gleaming head in anger.

"Baby" Mark called, turning around.

She swallowed, practicing how to  react in her head. Resolved to nothing, she chose silence and walked into the kitchen, desperate to be busy.

She warmed the Okro soup from the freezer and made eba which she put in a flask. It was then a call came in from Maka. She put it on speaker while she attended to other things.

"Idiot, you don't pick calls, you don't call, nothing!" Maka began.

Kamsi smiled tiredly at the phone, "I'm fine and you? "

"Kamsi.. I'm good. How are you and your husband? "

"He's probably somewhere, sitting like a depressed Elephant " Kamsi said, cleaning her hands on the towel in the kitchen .

"Depressed what?" Maka asked, laughing from the other end.

"Elephant " She replied, picking up the phone and making her way to the stairs.

"Food is in flask" She mouthed to Kelechi who just came out from the guest room.

"Kamsi, this is that stage, most women leave. You have reached there, you are strong enough to leave " Maka said.

Kamsi sighed softly and entered her own room. She sat on the seat facing the mirror with the phone in her ear, listening to Maka.

"I think what you are trying to do is to get immune. You want to stay in that marriage without being bothered about what your partner does. "

"Honestly, this is why I don't like picking your calls" Kamsi said, struggling with the zip at her back.

"I'll ignore that nonsense you just said" Maka replied quickly.

Again, she sighed while pulling down the sleeves of the gown she wore to work.

"That's how most women lost their lives in the name of love and marriage "

"Stop, Maka. Just stop. What do you know about marriage, have you been married before? " She asked, on the verge of tears. "What do you know about keeping a home? "

From the other end of the phone, Maka laughed. "I'm not angry at that question . If you think I'm pushing you to make a decision because I know nothing, then you are very wrong. This is the last time, I will interfere in your marital life. "

Silence hung in the air while the call was still on. Tears fell down from her eyes and she didn't bother wipe them. She looked into space as she left it to fall until memories of pain choked her heart and caused her to convulse while trying to cry noiselessly. She immediately cut the call.

For a moment, when Mark had told her to quit her job so he could get her another. It excited her to be with a man who could take care of her, who was incharge. In her days in the university, she loved how he scolded her to eat or scolded when she was about making a mistake. He fit in with fatherly features and being with him, always made her feel safe.

She did not feel safe anymore. She felt caged, restrained, like her head was under the water and she could not speak. Yet she did not know wherelse she would rather be. Definitely not her Step mother's house. She did not want to run to that place. Definitely not to Maka, she did not want ever feel like a leach.

Mark was her first. First man she loved, first man to see her naked, He was just the first and only. It was hard, to just walk away from the life she had built around him, from the dreams. Like Maka said, she knew that most women had lost themselves while tending to the broken pieces of a marriage. She was slowly loosing herself in the very entangled web of lies.

In a sudden cold, she hugged herself while moving to the wardrobe to get a pull over. Quickly, she let down her gown and stepped out from it before wearing the sweater over her black underwear shorts.

Soon, she was throwing in some clothes into two boxes that lay on the floor. She could recall the first day she dressed for work at the local government head quarters. She had been excited and Mark snatched the happiness from her and tore in shreds. She allowed a tear roll down as she threw in the shirt she had worn that day into the box.

She lay on Mark's bed after she showered, not asleep but humming softly. Low sounds from the television could be heard with the sound of the Mark's slippers as he entered the room. The strong perfume he had started to use hit her nostrils  with a force that she regretted breathing at that point.

She immediately threw off the duvet covering her and sat up, facing her husband with a glare.

"Just what is wrong with you? " She shouted, not just for the perfume but for the lies he told her Head of service.

"Are you normal? " Mark asked, pulling off his polo.

" You are the one who is not normal. How can you be using a perfume that smells like airfreshener and spray it that much? "

Mark shook his head tiredly and sat on the bed. "Not now, baby. Not now"

"Stop using that perfume. It nauseates me" She concluded and lay back, pulling the duvet over her body.

She felt his hand on her back. It stayed there for a while before he said, "I am sorry. I will stop using it "

She shrugged, resolving to break the bottle of perfume anyway.

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... Because it's my birthday . Who's my first reader? Guess the network and load the pin. I love you guys!