RAY OF SUNSHINE ━━ pansy parkinson

iv. pride and pressure

( inclusion of
slight homophobia )

chapter four
PRIDE AND PRESSURE
𖤐⁺˚࿐.∗ ̥

THE INQUISITIVE LOOKS THAT Elle received from her peers soon faded away, in fact, the divination incident even prompted more of her friends to open up to her, normalizing the community.

"Can I tell you guys something?" Rohan asked Elle, Cho, and Luna, twiddling his thumbs nervously, slightly shaking. Elle reached out and grabbed his hands, giving them a soft squeeze. "Of course, Ro. Of course."

"I- uh.. I read it in a muggle magazine somewhere but... I'm pansexual. I like boys and girls and anyone who identifies as non binary and I don't care about which gender I date..." Rohan stuttered, his usually confident demeanor fading away. "Me too," Luna whispered hesitantly, Elle and Cho's eyes widening slightly.

"You guys! We love you no matter what okay? Always." Elle exclaimed, eyes crinkling.

"I fully support you guys. And I always will." Cho's voice was warm and reassuring, "Now I'm the only straight one in this friend group."

They all laughed at that.

"Guys, can we make a pact?" Rohan questioned, "It will always be the four of us. No matter what happens. Okay?"

"Okay." Luna, Elle, and Cho said at the same time, the four bursting into laughter and engulfing each other in a group hug.

That one incident prompted them to come out to the masses, prompting others to follow their lead. Hufflepuffs spread around pride flags with smiles, Ravenclaws debating whoever questioned the LGBTQ+ community with heaps of facts, Gryffindors dueling whoever picked on the newly come-out students. And even most of the Slytherins embraced their own with open arms.

Perhaps it was this new focus that brought them away from the matters that held extreme significance. Perhaps it was all a distraction. But it did work: helping students feel comfortable in their own skin during dark times made them happier. Happy as they could be during a war.

Hogwarts was now home to the proud LGBTQ+ community, something that Dumbledore and Mcgonagall adored. In fact, Minerva had even sworn to single out any student who invalidated them as a community. The school rejoiced in Elle's sheer bravery, many new smiles popping up at the new topic of discussion... or new distraction.

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PANSY PARKINSON HATED ELLE LOVEGOOD. She hated the way she would strut through the hallways like she owned the place, her sickeningly gorgeous face lighting up with a soft smile.

She hated the way her sexuality was on full display, under the watchful eyes of the public, and the fact that they supported her maddened her even more. Pansy certainly did not have that privilege. She would most definitely be thrown out of her family home and disowned if she were ever to discuss her true sexuality with them.

Pansy hated the way her blue eyes sparkled happily, almost forgetting that Vold- you-know-who was going to destroy them all. The brunette was scared. So so fucking scared. Every day her family was falling apart more and more, and she could not breathe. It did not help that every day she got wolf whistles from the Slytherin boys, and got called a pug face by the Slytherin girls. There was no way out for her. She was trapped.

She hated the way Elle had friends, a father, and a sister who would die for her, she hated the way her life was so perfect. Her father would not even think twice about giving Pansy up if it could save him. Pansy had no safety net — she had absolutely nothing. Her family barely showed kindness to her, and the only true friend she had was Daphne, who would perhaps leave too if she found out about Pansy's sexuality.

Pansy Parkinson may have hated Elle Lovegood, but what she hated the most was that she did not hate her. Not even a little bit.

Elle's laughter dripped like ambrosia, soft notes of melody, and the way she spoke as if the world was hers to conquer made Pansy respect her. Admire her, even. Her attitude was driven and her blue eyes shimmered like the endless oceans of the Maldives where Pansy had summered. And mostly, she reminded her of someone that she thought she had left in the past; someone she thought she would never encounter again. Not a day went by without Pansy missing Arielle, the longing feeling in her heart beating away, being replaced with sheer emptiness.

To Pansy, Elle was almost as bright and cheerful as a Ray of Sunshine. And she detested that. She detested how she could wear a smile while people were dying, people were crying, and people were being tortured. It all seemed so wrong to Pansy, but she could only appreciate Elle for being so strong minded.

Anyone who could smile during war was either sadistic or hopeful.

Pansy prayed to Lady Hecate that it was the latter.

"Pans?" Daphne asked, snapping Pansy out of her daze. "Mhm?" Pansy asked.

"You've been staring at that filthy blood traitor Lovegood for the past ten minutes... you okay?" She questioned, almost nervously as Pansy fiddled with her emerald green tie.

"Y-Yes I'm perfectly all right. Don't wanna be messing around with a filthy blood traitor, a Lovegood on top of that... do we?" Pansy chuckled nervously, Daphne guffawing at her response.

"Good... I almost thought you were... queer." Daphne whispered the word like it poison on her tongue, as if the word were a swear not supposed to be said, and Pansy internally sighed.

"Me? A queer? Never." Pansy feigned laughter, feeling queasy at the words coming out from her own mouth.

Pansy loved Daphne, she really did. But her homophobia made it so hard to tolerate her, she always spoke about the community in a negative sense. She couldn't take it, she just couldn't — all the pressure from her family and her friends, her life was closing in on her, and she just wanted to leave. Leave everything and run away. Run far far away, to another land, a land where she could be happy. Actually happy.

Pansy hated the pressure. She hated that from the bottom of her heart.

Pansy could hear Elle laugh with Granger, her blood boiling as the blonde swung her head back at whatever humorous comment the muggleborn made.

"What're you looking at Parkinson? Don't you have people to kill?" Granger pointed towards Pansy, glaring at her. Elle shot Hermione a glare, shutting her up, "Come on, don't you want to go talk to Harry? He's been meaning to all day."

The muggleborn nodded in agreement, and the pair left, leaving Pansy with Daphne — yet feeling alone.

The joy that bubbled in Pansy's stomach upon seeing Elle soon went away; Pansy felt as empty as before.

Her ray of sunshine had disappeared, the night caving in and frightening her, darkness taking over her mind.

And everyone knew that bad things happened at night.