It's Always Been You

Not so Goodbye Part 8

I did not talk to him tomorrow or for the next two weeks for that matter. They went just like the first two. Him working, sucking face with Kendra and me avoiding them whenever I could. It made me sick, the burning in my chest. Part of me knows that I should talk to him but another part of me knows that won't make the burning go away.

In lighter news the guys just released their first song. They named the band Why Don't We and I cannot get enough of it. I love hearing them sing. It's the only time when Zach seems like himself anymore. The other guys have become my best friends since I'm spending more time with them than Zach these days. Today I decided to call my mom I felt like I hadn't talked to her enough since I've been gone.

"Hey mom." She picked up on the first ring.

"Hey sweetie is everything okay?" She asks slight concern in her voice.

"Oh yeah everything's great! The guys just got their first song out!"

"That's amazing sweetie! How about you?"

I sigh, "I haven't had as much luck but I'll get there." I tell her.

"Okay sweetie, are you coming home for Christmas?" She asks.

"Absolutely I think Zach will be okay without his moral support for a week." I tell her.

"His what?" She asks.

I laugh, "don't worry about it." I was about to ask her how they're doing when there is a knock at my door. It's Corbyn.

"Who you talking to?" He asks leaning on the door frame."

"My mom." I whisper.

"Oh can I say hi?" He asks and smiles.

"What no! I uh-"

"What sweetie?" My mom asks.

"I uh have to go I'll call you back later love you!" I tell her.

"Love you too!" She responds and I hang up.

"Why didn't you want me to say hi to her?" Corbyn asks, he looks hurt.

"Corbyn I'm so sorry its not you at all. My parents don't know that I'm staying in a house full of boys. They'd flip and make me come home immediately." I explain.

"Oh I gotcha."

"So what did you need?"

"Oh right, I was bored and we're done rehearsing for today so I was wondering if you wanted to do something?" He rubs the back of his neck and looks up at me.

"Sure whatcha got in mind?" He turns to leave and I follow him out of my room.

"Not sure, we could play video games? Unless you're not into that." He looks disappointed and I laugh.

"Depends on the game."

"Call of Duty?" He asks.

"One of my favorites." He perks up and we enter the living room. We immediately spot Zach and Kendra cuddled up on the couch facing the tv. I sigh, "guess no cod today."

Kendra turns around at the sound of my voice. "Hey guys want to join us? We were about to start a movie." She sneers at me but I don't return the look.

Corbyn answers before I can, "sure." I follow Corbyn in front of the couch he takes the chair so I'm left with the empty spot next to Zach. Zach glances at me and looks back at Kendra without a word. I sit down and lean on the armrest away from them. The movie starts and it's some cheesy rom com I've never seen. I make it five minutes into the movie and my eyes flicker over to them. Kendra is watching the movie but Zach is looking at her. I can't take it anymore.

I get up and walk out the front door. I pass the other guys who were playing basketball in the driveway. "Hey Blake where are you going?" Daniel asks.

"For a walk, I'll be back later." I don't slow my pace. Once I'm out of sight from the house I break out into a run. I always did this when I was younger. When I needed to blow off steam I'd run on the streets around my house. Normally I'd pass Zach's house and he'd join me. He'd wait for me to calm down and we'd talk about whatever was on my mind. But there will be no Zach this time. My Zach is gone and there's nothing I can do about it.

I went on runs more often in the weeks leading up to Christmas. I saw less and less of Zach until the only time I saw him was when we were leaving our rooms and even that was rare. I was constantly in my room writing, the lyrics coming to me more now that ever. I don't even want to think about what he's doing in his room all day long.

It was the day before I was leaving to go home for Christmas. I was packing a small bag when there was a knock on my doorframe. I turn to see Zach standing in the doorway. "Can I come in?" The old Zach wouldn't have even asked.

"Yeah." I turn to one of my dressers as he sits on my bed. I get what I need and shove it into my bag. "You're not going home are you?"

I look up to see him shake his head. I zip my bag and get ready to go out of my bedroom door. I don't want to be near him any longer than what I have to. "Blake stop." He grabs my wrist.

"What?" I snap. I immediately feel bad when I see the hurt look on his face.

"I just- realize we haven't been seeing each other as much lately and I feel bad about it."

"Do you realize that we used to see each other more when we lived in a separate house? Do you know how insane that is?"

"I know and I'm sorry it's just-"

"It's just what Zach? What are you going to tell me? That you're working so often? That I understand but why you can't give me a moment of your time. Why it all has to be about her." I grit my teeth as I realize what I said.

"Kendra? That's what this is about?" He asks.

"Yes, she practically controls you. She calls and you come no hesitation or heed to what it might do to others."

Zach opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off, "Zach can you come here? I need you!" Kendra calls him from the other room.

He looks between me and the door. "Run along to your master." I walk out of the door before he can say another word.

I don't think I've ever run so fast in my life. My feet sounded loud on the pavement and the sun was beating down on me but I didn't care. I wanted away from this place from him.

That night I didn't sleep well. Zach and I hadn't been in a fight in a long time. It feels wrong to be mad at him. Worse than the burning jealously in my chest when I see him with her. The next morning I had my bag in hand ready to leave. "Ready to go?" Corbyn asks. I nod, he offered to take me to the airport.

I turned to leave but stopped when I heard him say my name, "Blake." Zach was standing alone no Kendra in sight. "can I talk to you please?"

I nod, "here I'll take this to the car." Corbyn takes my bag and leaves.

"You can't leave with us separated like this." He states.

"We wouldn't be separated if you had thought about your actions and how they would affect others. How they would affect me." I almost whisper.

"What do you want me to do?" He asks.

"I don't know, I just want you to be happy and clearly you are with her. I guess you don't need me."

"Blake of course I need you. You wouldn't make me choose between you, would you?"

I sigh, "no I guess you already made the choice."

"A real friend wouldn't make me choose." He tells me.

"If you were a real friend there wouldn't be a choice Zach!" I yell and turn on my heel. I can't look at him anymore. I walk out the door and get in the car with Corbyn. We ride all the way to the airport in silence.

"Blake-" he starts but I hold up my hand.

"Please Corbyn I don't need a therapist right now. Just make sure he doesn't do anything too dumb and take care of yourself as well."

"You too Blake, see you soon." We hug across the seat. I grab my bag and get out of the car.