Marrying the Terror

The Identity Crisis

This episode doesn't mean to hurt the customs or traditions of anyone but just the agony of a girl is expressed in a broader prospective. If anyone feels offended, I apologize for that.

I was confused. But this time not because of Neel's behavior but of my behavior. Is this how I am going to be here? Compromise is necessary in a relationship but is this called compromise or killing my identity? Doesn't Aadya has an identity after marrying Neel? Why am I becoming blind and accepting whatever Neel orders? If this is the case, there will be only Mrs. Neel but there would be no Aadya.

But, if I fight with Neel what if he chooses to divorce me for not being a wife of his wish? I promised his mom that I will take care of him in her absence. If I refuse his words even before winning his love, this relationship may break easily. But, if I don't take a stand for me, I would end having no identity.

I looked at the garden where Neel is feeding the birds in the cage with love and affection. Neel enjoys feeding them and everyday takes time to do so. Does he really think the birds in the cage are happy as he shows love and care for them? Can the love and care at the cost of freedom gives happiness? How should I make him understand that love and marriage shouldn't kill the identity of a girl. Even our customs are against a girl's identity because it says a girl to change her last name after the marriage.

Our ancestors, family, relatives and friends, everyone says us to change every aspect according to inlaws and husband. Is it impossible for two individuals to stay together without sacrificing one's individuality and identity? Who would recognize the identity crisis of a girl after the marriage? Everyone sees it as if it doesn't matter at all. Does it really not necessary to think about the girl's identity?

You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't talk like this. What would your inlaws and husband think if you don't know to manage the house or to cook? If a girl speaks with courage, it becomes her ego or attitude. If a girl laughs louder, it's her indecency. If a girl behaves with self esteem, it shows her recklessness. Even the natural periods of a women are considered as inauspicious and is not allowed to religious ceremonies and sacred places. A man who has affairs or does whatever the sin is never banned from visiting these sacred places, but a girl who bleeds to give the birth to another humanbeing, is not considered as sacred but prohibited from all sacred and auspicious occasions. Why her sacrifice is not recognized as auspicious but viewed as a sin?

A girl shouldn't speak louder, laugh aloud, go against the male members of her family, roam at late nights, express her true emotions such as anger, sorrow, pain, happiness freely and should stay away from everything which the society asks her. Her freedom of speech, freedom to live with dignity and respect is often questioned by their family every now and then. Why? How could the gender decide what is right and wrong? Not the act, but just the gender decides everything here. If we talk this way, a man tries to shut the voice of the girl by saying that if a girl is equal to a boy, a boy can walk naked, can a girl do that? What the hell it is? A person who has shame and decency, would never do such acts whether it's a man or a woman. And giving such a great freedom to men is just making them a beast in the society.

A girl is not powerless. A girl's identity or acts cannot be questioned by her gender. If it is wrong for a girl to do, then it shouldn't be done by a boy too. Our society doesn't need a gender quality or women empowerment fight. It needs gender sensitivity education. It is not provided in the schools or colleges. It should be provided in the families and a mother should do this. But what if a mother is completely blind with these customs and teaches a girl child what not to do and kills her courage? The girl herself should become her strength. Everyone says a girl needs the support of her husband and marriage is compulsory. Is it not the same for a man? Even he needs a wife to care for him and keep him happy. Then why is this identity crisis of a girl is still in existence even in these modern times?

No, I am not going to give in for this. Yes, I respect this marriage and Neel because he is my husband. But, Neel also should respect me. He should learn how a husband should behave.

Neel came into the room and I decided to talk to him.

"Neel, I need to talk to you," I said.

"What? Are you sick?" Neel said, touching my forehead.

"No, I am not sick. I need to talk to you that too very important," I said and unexpectedly my voice raised against him.

"Do you want to talk or argue?" Neel said.

"It depends on your response," I said.

Neel gave a death glare to me and then, closed his eyes for sometime. He sat on his chair.

"You can speak," Neel said.

"I married you but it doesn't mean I will lose my individuality or identity. I can't breathe here and I feel I lost all my freedom and right to live as I wish. I will never hurt you or disrespect you but you too need to respect me.

Yesterday what you did with me is absolutely unfair. You taunted me infront of everyone in the party. What if I answer you back there?" I said and stopped noticing his anger. Neel pressed his left temple with his fingers and then, his breath too became heavy.

"Enough, not a word anymore," Neel said.

"No, I am not going to get scared of you. I will speak and you should listen to me. You can't control me and make me dance to your tunes. I will do anything to come out of this identity crisis. You can't kill my identity," I said and Neel got up from his chair.

Neel slapped me and I fell on the bed.

"What do you think about yourself? Do you think I will tolerate your bullshit? If you want to stay here as my wife, you should do whatever I say. And I know well how to make you dance to my tunes. Until now I tried hard to be cool but now I understood what I should do to make you live a life of my choice.

If I starve you for two days, then you will automatically listens to me," Neel said.

"Neel, please listen to me," I said and Neel took his belt.

"Apologize me for talking all this bullshit to me. Or I will go to any extent," Neel said and I was frightened seeing the belt in his hands. Few scenes from my past appeared before my eyes.

"I am sorry," I said.

"One more time if you repeat this, you will get what you deserve to shut your bloody mouth," Neel said and left the room locking the door.

I sobbed falling on the bed. What should I do now? Neel will not understand my feelings. His ego is his everything. But, no. I am not going to give up. I will do something to make him mend his ways and treat me with respect and love. I decided to be strong and wiped my tears.

Hi friends, how is the episode? What would Aadya do to get her right of self identity and individuality? Will Neel mend his ways or he kills her courage to make her beg him?