Figuring It Out

Eleven

Faye above.
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Viv

                                Lilia
As usual, the meeting went well without anyone forcing participation from me. Today I and Leo sat Together again at The back and contrary to what you might think we both payed apt attention to what was being said,I Even shed a tear or two when a boy named Curt shared his abuse story. After it ended we walked out together and he was oddly quiet. I know that's a stupid thing to say since I know he's mostly always quiet but this was different, he was off. Penny for your thoughts? I nudged him playfully then he came to an abrupt halt. He had his hands on his chin and his hair falling onto his fore head, what a sight."what are you doing here" he said suddenly,excuse me? "I mean why are you here? You have a nice family, a great group of friends, you always smile and seem happy so I'm just wondering what you're doing here among people who just have shitty lives". I was fuming now but I pursed my lips to stay calm, first of all don't use that tone on me ever again and secondly you should know that everything is not what it seems. With that I spun and marched out, how dare he act like my life was perfect the asshole is driving a G-wagon for chrissakes.

I was almost out the door when I was spun around by you know who. What,I spat. " I'm sorry" well you're sorry a lot these days Leo,it doesn't change anything. How dare you suggest that I don't have problems huh?nice family? That's rich from someone who drives the most expensive car I know and don't you dare correct me because I don't know a lot of cars. You know what I think its best if we just keep away from each other,now that I know under that broody exterior is a total jackass, I hiss. "I'm sorry, at least let me drive you home" he resigned. I would rather walk and get run over than get in a car with you right now I said before walking away already in tears.

I was pissed at Leo but I was more pissed at myself for letting him get to me.I was practically wheezing when I got home and thank God ginger was not coming home today as she was at a sleep over. I stumbled into the kitchen and searched for my medicine organizer. I swallowed some emergency pills with water from the faucet before collapsing on the floor. I tried to remember what my doctor said and took deep breaths to stay calm,I wasn't going to go back downhill again. And then I felt it,I felt the urge to just grab my phone and make the first move when It rang. I reached for it and it was Faye but she had already called me twice and I didn't even hear it. Then I hear banging at the door,when I get to it she's standing there looking flushed." Dude where did you go after school " she starts before she sees my Face and concern morphs her features "omg lil are you okay?" I nod weakly before she pulls me into a hug shutting the door behind her. "Shh its okay,its going to be fine no matter what happened okay?" I didn't do it though I say meekly, I wanted to but I didn't. She hugs me tighter "I'm proud of you Lilia,its okay here let's get you out of your uniform and you can tell me what happened okay?"

I don't hold back when I tell Faye everything, the meeting, Leo, I recount the whole thing down to the day at the park. I don't even know why I thought I could keep this from her. "When did your life get so interesting bitch" she says and we laugh. When we sober up she says "I want to be typical me and cuss him out but these days so many people are broken,I know that doesn't give him the right to judge you but he probably doesn't know any better,and maybe you went a little to hard on him but that's okay,you're a fireball" she ends with a laugh. Yeah maybe I was too deep with that whole getting run over thing,I cringe. "How about this,how about trying to figure him out like what his deal,I mean he asked you why you need therapy but why does he need therapy." I already tried he's like a rock. "Good thing we got sledgehammers here in Sacramento" she beams. "Okay but enough about Leo,how are you?" I mean what he said just kind of opened barely closed wounds and I felt weak but thanks to you I didn't do anything I would regret. " Not thanks to me,thanks to you,you gotta give yourself some credit lil" we talk some more until I Fall asleep I guess today was more stressful than I thought. I do hear my mum come in later and they both talk in hush tones probably about what almost happened this afternoon.  When my mum leaves I hear Faye shuffling. You're leaving "yeah"she whispers " my mum,visiting days are really close now and she doesn't want anything that might give my dad reason to think she can't handle me" oh okay,I'll see you tomorrow then. she comes over and kisses my fore head " good night lil,I love you" I love you more I say before she exits and I turn back to bed,hoping that the next day is better. When I sleep I dream of Leo as he grows up and finally when he grows he looks exactly like my dad,in fact he is my Dad. How weird is that.