Comeback

5 - Istanbul

Can

I'm back in Istanbul after exactly three months since my escape, because that's what it was, a real escape, an escape from the problems to be faced, from the difficulties of life that, now I'm convinced more than ever, can be faced better with someone you love beside you.

We have both had time to reflect, we are adults and we love each other, I am confident that together we can overcome anything.
I'll prove to her that it wasn't me who burned her journal, I'll find a way, I'll show her every day that she can trust me and that I will never allow anger to take over my actions.

I dock at the pier and as quickly as possible get off the boat, entrusting it to the capable hands of Kaptan Kemal.
My truck is waiting for me where I had parked it months ago and in no time I'm home.
I think maybe I should let Emre know I'm coming back, I've missed him in these months, I must admit, our relationship has improved a lot thanks to Sanem who helped me understand how to forgive. I started to find in him a friend and a confidant with whom I could talk about everything, if that evening instead of leaving I had taken the time to reflect and maybe I had let off steam with him. Who knows...

I go into my room and, first thing, I retrieve my phone.
I turn it on, it's almost empty and I'm forced to plug it into the power supply while it keeps making repeated sounds to indicate that I have so many notifications.
There are so many of them, I wanted to take a shower right away but I'm intrigued and go to my voicemail which I discover is full of messages from Sanem from three months ago:

- Can? Where are you?
- Come to me, lütfen, please.
-I trust you Can.
-Seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much -.
- I was wrong, I didn't mean to say those words, I was upset -

And on and on, the voicemail was full of Sanem's heartfelt messages that had been recorded that very evening, minutes after I left the hospital.
There were also hundreds of messages with the same desperate tone.
Oh, Allah, what had I done?
I had been gone for months when we could have talked that very night and worked out our problems.
One thing was certain, I loved her with all my heart too, I had to see her soon, I had to tell her and reassure her.

I hurried to dial her number with my heart in my throat, but a message told me that the user was not reachable at the moment.
Strange, in the middle of the morning how come her phone was off?
Maybes he's at the agency and, if she's working in the archives, surely the phone signal isn't getting through.

I rush to take a quick shower to run to Fikri Harika as soon as possible.

As soon as I enter, I am hit by an avalanche of memories of us, of our love born and raised within those walls, those stairs, that elevator.
Everything speaks to me of her, my heart is pounding, I can't wait to see her.
I go up the stairs and immediately go to the open space where most of the employees work, a quick glance tells me she's not there, I'm about to turn around to go look for her downstairs in the archive when I'm intercepted by Cey Cey.

- Can bay! - He runs towards me, agitated as usual.
- Hoşgeldiniz, welcome back -
-Hoşbulduk, welcome back Cey Cey, I was looking for Sanem is downstairs in the archive? -

I see him fidgeting more than usual, his arms and feet can't stay still, I'm about to ask him for an explanation when here comes Guliz.

- Tekrar hoşgeldiniz Can bay -
-Hoşbulduk Guliz, I was asking Cey Cey where I can find Sanem -

She looks at me surprised
- Sanem hasn't come to work for three months now. She left the agency when you left.

My heart skips a beat, how did she leave? She left the job? But why? She was so good, a brilliant mind, she could have had a really great career in the advertising world. I sighed and thought that I should convince her to come back to the agency as soon as possible.

- Is Emre in the office? -

- No, he went out with Layla about an hour ago, they had an appointment at the bank.
A curious Guliz answers me about my reaction.

I walk away thoughtlessly while dialing Emre's number, his phone is off too, he probably went into a meeting.
I have no choice but to look for her in the neighborhood, maybe she went back to work at her father's store.

I get back in the car and quickly reach mahalle, the neighborhood where Sanem grew up and lives.
It's now lunchtime so I decide to go look for her directly at home.
I arrive at the door and ring the bell and smile hearing the song of the bird/bell that I have learned to recognize and love.

I hear footsteps approaching and I see Mevkibe appear at the door, I smile at her, happy to see her again, I have always loved Sanem's mother so much, she is an exceptional woman and I have a soft spot for her.

I'm about to take her hand to kiss it when I see her stiffen and retreat to the door, I don't understand the reason for this reaction and I remain motionless.

Her expression becomes serious, distant.

- Can, what are you doing here? -

- Merhaba Mrs. Mevkibe, I was looking for Sanem, is she here? -

At these words I see her clench her fists contract her lips as if trying to suppress an excess of anger.

- Sanem is not here, uzak dur, stay away from her, you only hurt her.

We don't want to see you around here anymore, go away and don't come back -

And on these abrupt words she closes the door in my face.

I remain motionless, I can not understand why such a reaction from a woman who had always been loving towards me.

They probably saw Sanem saddened by my departure and are angry with me. I need to find her and make things right with her, then I will go back and apologize to her parents who I consider good people and whom I love very much.

I just need to find her and talk to her, I'm sure we can work it all out because of the love between us, I'm sure of it now.