Comeback

61 - What had been

Mihriban

I couldn't refuse Aziz's invitation in any way, he was adamant and if I hadn't been ready the next morning at 9.00 am I'm sure he would have come personally to get me out of bed, so stubborn was he to take me with him.

We spent a wonderful day visiting different towns along the coast, had lunch in a nice little restaurant by the sea and walked through the central streets of some tourist towns. It was a very pleasant day, we had a great time and enjoyed each other's company immensely.

I'm very scared, it's all happening too fast, he came into my life like a hurricane that takes everything and turns it upside down, all my certainties are wavering, the first of which is that I would be alone for the rest of my life.

After him there was no place for anyone else, I had resigned myself to living my life alone, close to the dear friends who have always surrounded me, but alone, without the other half of my heart who left me many years ago.

I suffered tremendously for this man, he was my first and only love, I thought I had found the keeper of my heart and soul, we were young, beautiful and in love and I truly believed we were close to our happy ending.

And instead with Huma we soon came to the end, the end of everything.

She was an old friend of mine from college, we would meet every now and then for tea or dinner and at a party I introduced him to Aziz. That was the beginning of the end.

I didn't immediately understand her intentions as the naive young woman I was, she started to be around all the time,s he came to see me often,she was at every social event we attended, she played the friend with both of us.

At a certain point  she began to sow her seeds of doubt, how it was impossible that a man of such a high level and social extraction could be with a girl of humble origins like me, how I was always unsuitable in my behavior and clothing at every event we attended, how we were unmatched as a couple, how Aziz looked at other women. Little by little, her words had found fertile ground in my insecurity as a young woman in love and had led to constant clashes and misunderstandings between us.
The more Aziz tried to reassure me that he wanted to be with me, the more I became convinced that it was not possible, that it would soon be over because of my inadequacy.

In the end we broke up, it seemed inevitable at that moment, I was convinced that it could not be otherwise and we broke up as if we were predestined to do so, I was convinced of that. It was the worst time of my life, I couldn't live without him, I couldn't continue any semblance of life without him.

I was desperate, I had been annihilated by this separation and the passage of time did not hint at soothing the constant pain that accompanied my every day and every night until I realized I had it all wrong, as if a curtain had been opened on the stage of my empty and meaningless life without the man I loved.

I was ready to go back to him, I was ready to ask his forgiveness and to start again from where we left off if he still wanted me, I was thrilled by this realization and it seemed to me that I had finally come back to life when I happened to have a magazine in my hands where the front page featured the society news announcing the engagement of the wealthy advertising executive Aziz Divit to the young high society woman Huma Yazici.

To say that the world collapsed on me is an understatement, I lived for weeks in anguish and despair, I was estranged from the world without having interest in anything, I did not eat, I did not sleep, I did not react to the stimuli that came from outside. My parents were terribly worried about me and finally decided that I needed help, I was hospitalized for several months in the hope that they could help me come back to life.

It is for this reason that after all these years I regularly serve as a volunteer in a clinic, I do it because I lived a period in which my being was annihilated and canceled by pain, I was lost in that nothingness from which it was very difficult to re-emerge and I can understand who is in that situation. That's why I immediately loved Sanem so much, because in her I saw the same extreme pain that I had experienced so many years before.

Who would have ever imagined that the cause of her suffering was the son of what had been my great lost love?

Because of Aziz I lived the darkest period of my life of which I have few memories and from which I slowly came out thanks to the love of my family and the skill of the doctors who helped me to understand that there was nothing wrong with me, that I had not lost the love of my life because of my shortcomings but that I had probably been manipulated and led to think that.

Slowly I realized that I had been a naive fool, that I had allowed that woman to come between us and take what was mine.

I learned at some point that they were now married and expecting a child, there was no hope for me anymore, I had to find my own way and my reason for living away from here.

As soon as I left the clinic I left Turkey for several years, moving first to England and then to Italy, I traveled all over the world working for a humanitarian organization. When I left the job I felt the need to return to my roots, to return to Turkey, with all the savings of years of sacrifices I bought the estate that represents for me the oasis of peace where I can spend my old age, alone but serene, finally at peace with myself and with the world.

Who could have imagined that a chain of enormous coincidences would have brought him here?

The balance that I had painstakingly rebuilt was now put to the test by his presence, by his words that suggested...

No, I shouldn't and couldn't believe, I was no longer a naive girl, life had taught me a hard lesson and now I had to be careful to protect my heart around which I had erected impassable walls.

I could enjoy a few moments of leisure with Aziz, there was no problem, the important thing was to keep in mind that it was too late for anything other than a simple friendship.

I was too old to have any kind of thought other than that, I had to keep it well in mind and everything would be fine.