Comeback

26 -Care for her

Can

She opened her eyes, she is alive, Allah be thanked, she is alive.
My heart had stopped the whole time her breathing stopped, the idea of losing her forever was inconceivable, I can't imagine a life without her.

She looks at me for a very long moment then a convulsive cough shakes her, she must be in intolerable pain, I take her and hold her in my arms not to let her go anymore, how much I love this woman, she is my life, she is the essence of it.

We stay like this for an endless time, there is nothing but this embrace, she is where she should be, close to me with her forehead resting on my neck, completely abandoned, this must be paradise I think. I realize though that we can't stay any longer, I'm wearing only my pants and she has her soaked clothes glued to her body.

I get up holding her in my arms and head towards her cottage, she doesn't move and doesn't seem to perceive her surroundings.
I enter the house using the spare copy that Mihriban showed me, first I have to take off her wet clothes, I take her into the bathroom and holding her in my arms I start to run the water in the tub, I have to warm her up and take away the brackish water of the Bosphorus.
I keep stroking her hair and whispering to her that everything is fine, that I am with her and I will never let her go again.
When the bath is ready I try to pull her away to help her get into the tub but she stiffens up, she doesn't want to let go of me. Desperate times...

I enter the water with her, the heat is a blessing for our numb bodies, she sighs with pleasure and curls up between my legs with her cheek resting on my chest.
I let her relax by continuing to caress her back, her breathing becomes lighter, I slowly start to unbutton her blouse, she can't stay with those clothes on, I absolutely have to take them off.
It's not an easy task, her body has always attracted me in a crazy way, but I've always wanted to respect the way she grew up and was educated and I would never have pushed her to do something inappropriate for her way of thinking, even more so now, when she's so fragile, I can only adore her as it's right and submit myself to this sweet torment.
There will come a day when we will be free to experience each other, I'm sure of it.

I manage with difficulty, with short stretches and acrobat-like contortions, to remove all her wet clothes, leaving only her underwear, without moving her from that snuggled position that seems to give her comfort.

I turn on the hot water and slowly rinse her hair, caressing and untangling it with my fingers, I have always loved her hair, I adore touching it and I would spend entire nights doing it.

We stay in the water for an indefinite time until it becomes clear that it's time to get out, it is a real challenge to manage to dry and dress her, she is completely abandoned to my hands, it seems as if she does not realize what surrounds her.
I am definitely worried about her relapse, she seems to be completely absent again, out of reality.
I pick her up and carry her to bed, I look in the drawer for her medicines and lift her up just enough to help her take them, she definitely needs them tonight.
She curls up under the covers sighing but doesn't let go of my hand, as if she's afraid it might disappear, I stroke her cheek and her hair, I stay like this watching her sleep, until I hear her breathing become heavy, the drugs have had their effect.

I usually stay with her for a while after she falls asleep and then disappear until the next night, but something has changed, she's not well, something has clearly happened that I'm not aware of, this time I'm not going to leave her, it's time to show myself to her in reality, to tell her that I'm back and I'm ready to stand by her side to face all her fears together.
I take a blanket from the couch and use it to cover myself to go to the dock to retrieve my shoes and then, as quickly as possible, go to my cabin to change clothes and pack a bag.

The time has come, I will never leave her alone again.

I go back to her in the night worried but hopeful, it won't be easy for her to find me in reality but I know I can help her to find herself and the way back to me.

I love her and she loves me, I have no doubt about that, together we can face anything, I hope so.