Comeback

27 - The most beautiful dream

Sanem

How nice...this thought surfaces, floating in my mind.
What a good feeling, I feel warm, I feel good, I feel protected, safe from the anguish that has invaded my mind every moment of the last few months.
It's the feeling I always get in my dreams with him, but this time it seems so much more vivid, I sigh in bliss and move into sleep, other singular sensations begin to surface.
I feel a weight on my side, the perception of being close to a source of heat and a perfume, not just any perfume but HIS perfume, which is not an eau de toilette it's just the masculine smell of his skin that has always driven me crazy.

My clouded mind perceives a series of unusual external stimuli, I slowly open my eyes and my breath stops instantly. His beautiful face, I had never seen it so clearly in previous dreams, never in any of them was its beauty so vivid, my hand can not resist and moves to move a lock that has escaped the tail with which usually keeps tied his beautiful hair. I've always loved running my fingers through it when it's free of restraints and wild and he liked that light caress, I could tell it relaxed him.

I smile as I bring my hand to his cheek to caress his beard, an imperceptible movement, a light sigh and his eyes are in mine, he smiles at me.

Endless moments of chained eyes and beating hearts, of caresses and lips quivering with desire, I look at his lips, how much I miss his kisses, his peculiar taste and the light caress of his beard on my skin.

- Günaydın tatlı, good morning sweetheart-
- Günaydın aşkım, good morning my love -

We smile at each other in that moment of unreality and total joy while continuing to look into each other's eyes, I would stay like this forever, I wish it would never end...

-I'm here Sanem, I'm here for you, I'm back and I won't leave again I swear....

- I know, you say that in every dream I've met you in -

He lifts his head off the pillow to sit down, he takes me by the shoulders to make me sit down too.

- Sanem, look at me - He takes my hands and brings them to his face then moves them to his chest
- Sanem, touch me, can you hear me? I am here, I am not a dream -

I tilt my head to the side intently, this time everything is different than usual, I see him in the full sunlight, his warmth, the contact of my hands with his massive body, his unmistakable smell, I've felt them before in my dreams but for the first time they seem so real.

- Yok, no you are a dream, my most beautiful dream -

He rests a hand on my cheek, takes me by the hands and pulls me up on my knees as he is in front of me in the bed, he speaks softly.

- Sanem, look at me, touch me do what you want.
I am real, I am here with you Sanem, I am not a dream.
I'm back to you -

I tilt my head to the side again puzzled it's all so beautiful and intense to live, we stay so long, time is a dimension that has lost importance....

- Let's try this way then - he tells me and then... then he takes me in his arms and kisses me.
It's not one of those brushed kisses on the cheeks or lips of previous dreams, it's a real kiss, warm and demanding, the kind that always made my knees tremble and I wanted so much more. My hands move on their own to take in his neck, in his hair, he holds me tightly in his arms.

It's wonderful, it's intense it's.... true...

I suddenly pull away from his grip and get off the bed, I bring my hands to my lips and look at him with split eyes, in disbelief, he follows me and stops in front of me.

He takes me by the elbows - Sanem, I'm not a dream, I'm here, I'm here for you, I'm here to stay forever with you if you want me -

I pull away from him and look at him, a myriad of emotions overwhelm me: disbelief, happiness at his return, anguish and shame at what I did to him.
All the weight of what the discovery I made the day before represents, the lies of Yigit supported by a Huma evidently determined to keep me away from her son, spills over on me.
How can I tell him that his mother preferred to let him live with the remorse of believing he had disabled a man, rather than allow him to be with someone like me?

I shake my head, how can I tell him such a thing?