the art of falling for you (bxb)

twentyfive - healing

the art of healing ( i believe in you )

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The bakery at the end of the block with blinking pastel signs and confectionery decorations covering the walls was the first place I'd ever visited in the City. The owner was the most beautiful and kindest woman I've ever met. The shop itself catered mostly to the local population and wannabe Instagram influencers who wanted to claim they were helping small businesses. I remember the first time I stepped through those doors, the bell ringing as if to commemorate what would be an unspoken agreement between six year old Saint and Dexter's Bakery. I fell in love with this place. Completely and madly.

Since I was a child, it's been my sanctuary. My safe place where we could pretend that our parents cared about our day, where we could pretend to be normal, because for those few hours spent here, we were.

We were.

I remember working here one day when Hendrix came skipping through the door. We'd already met in College and befriended one another but when I realised her connection to this place, it solidified the relationship immediately.

Hendrix was only 5'3, compared to my 5'11 self. But I remember shrinking under her gaze that day. A few tattoos stark against her warmly tanned skin. Her short hair, an artful mix of blue and black (A sharp contrast to her current pink strands), and her eyes. Hazel, and soft, and safe.

Dexter's might have made me feel like I had a normal family. But Dexter's helped me find my current family too.

It was still so surreal to think of how many things had changed from me being eighteen. I'd gone through college, gotten my degree, bought a bakery and fell in love. I thought I'd spend my entire life here and now I was planning to move to the opposite side of the States to pursue something I completely adored.

Last week, Sacha, Kareem, the boys and I went to LA. Kezziah had decided to stay back and register the adoptions papers so it was now official, and she could move out from the group home where she'd been situated.

Last week, both myself and the band signed our own contracts and were now officially represented by Midnight Records. We'd returned back to New York with the intention of packing our bags and leaving, moving into an already funded property while we worked on creating and recording the first album.

Our bags were packed. Hendrix had cried, and threw a chair at us, and then cried again. Jem had held themselves well before dissolving in a sea of tears and making me swear that I wouldn't forget them. We'd never really been apart before. We grew up together so this was going to be something completely new for us both.

Kezziah had confirmed her acceptance to UCLA and had already claimed the biggest room in the house. The boys had fought about it before Kareem levelled them all with a death glare worthy of scaring Hendrix.

We were ready to leave. Our lives had been packed up in boxes. Everything valuable that I owned put away as my world moved across the states.

Kareem's home was full of everything we owned. Bodhi and Isaiah had dropped their stuff off so we could keep it all in one place. I'd waved goodbye to the apartment that I'd lived in since I was nineteen, leaving my walls bare and my heart full because I knew I'd always be welcome back here. I knew deep down that this would always be where life started for me and, even though my home was moving along beside me, I knew a part of me would always remain here. This was me. Before Sacha moved out, before I met Kareem, before the band got signed; this was where my entire journey commenced.

These walls that had seen every part of me. From the good to the bad. The celebrations to the breakdowns. These walls had witnessed my complete downfall. The insecurity, the fear, the repetitive doubt circling my brain like sharks searching for something to prey upon.